Hoorah!

Ura! I'm going to DC for the final stage of the Foreign Service Officer selection process! I'm very excited, in case you couldn't tell . . . It won't be until May, though.

Conversations, multiki, temples, spark plugs, and valentines

I am so exhausted. It is after 1 am and this is basically the first time I've been home all day. Well, I was in my apartment a couple of times, but very briefly, but other than that, I can basically say that I did not spend any part of Valentine's Day in my apartment, even the morning...
But first things first, Happy Valentine's Day!
Now before you get any bad ideas, last night, the sisters from my mission had a sleepover that I went to. So I didn't sleep in my own apartment last night. It was a lot of fun, though at times it felt like we were split between the older generation (which includes me) and the younger one, even though there was only one sister there that I didn't know from the mission. My trainer came, as well as my "sister" and another sister from a different "mother." We talked about funny mission stories, what's happened since, and our plans for the future. It was really great. Then, around 1:30 am, or something like that, we were all pretty tired and decided to go to sleep. We went downstairs, but instead of going straight to sleep, we put in some Russian multiki (children's animated shows). We watched a Russian Alice in Wonderland . . . it was really weird.
Then I had to get up early because my family (extended) was meeting to go to the Draper Temple Open House the next morning (this morning). I thought I was going to be one of the first ones up, but everyone was gone except for my ride and the sister whose house we were at. Kalia gave me a ride to the temple and I had to figure out where everyone else was. Eventually they caught up with me (ok, I had to wait at the entrance to the temple for a while) and we went through. It was beautiful and a lot bigger than I imagined when Kalia told me that it was the smallest temple she had ever seen. Bismarck is a lot smaller.
After that, my family got together to eat lunch and celebrate my cousin's birthday (which is tomorrow). It was nice to be with family. Soon, we had to head back to Provo since Sara needed to be to work and I had arranged with a friend to check out my car.
We made it back in time, though Sara was almost late for work. Then I went to look at my car. The mechanic had told me that I needed a new carburetor and that it would cost upwards of $900. My friend looked at it, and after jumping it and using starter fluid, said, "I think you just need spark plugs." We went to Napa and it cost me $8 for the spark plugs. We went back, and my car started right up. Then he listened to it and said that there might be something else. But he thought there might just be some gunk in there that could be cleaned out using a Fuel Injector/Carburetor cleaner. We went and got that ($4) and now my car seems to be fine! I will have to let the cleaner run through, but I will wait until after I get my other key back from the mechanic. I hope they don't freak out since I drove my car home . . .
Anyway, I got home with grease on my hands (my friend made me change one of the spark plugs) and checked my email. A friend of mine had asked me on a group date for tonight (if I didn't get sicker since I was sick at the time that he asked me) but then I hadn't heard anything. I was thinking it was for 7:30 and I got home around 6:00. I checked my email and a message from him. It was supposed to start at 5:30. I called him, feeling a little bad, and was surprised to learn that they hadn't really started yet, so I scrubbed the grease off my hands while he came to pick me up. Two of his roommates had dates (so there were 6 of us total) and we made calzones for dinner. It was really good. Then we watched some Michael Jackson music videos (that was a random result of our conversation, not part of the planned evening) had cake, and decided to go see a movie. We went to see Coraline, in 3D. It was good, but weird. I liked it a lot. The 3D wasn't in your face, though, so most of the time I forgot it was in 3D. That may have been because I didn't have my contacts, which I need only to have depth perception. Oh well, you don't really need depth perception to get on in the world, though it helps with parallel parking.
Anyway, the movie went late so I just barely got home. Still, it was a good day, tiring, but good. Lets hope that I can get my homework done during the rest of the weekend because this coming week will be an insane one.

A light at the end

Things are a little better now. I talked to my dad for nearly an hour. I haven't done that since . . . well ever. I was able to say a lot of things that I needed to say, and I hope that my dad feels the same way. I don't know if I feel any better, because it was two people who weren't involved in the situation talking, and the only thing that will really resolve the situation is if the two people involved change their behavior. But, I suggested better ways to relate to Elizabeth, and I hope that that will make a difference. I also talked to Elizabeth and suggested ways in which she can behave differently. Hopefully, both of them can at least be civil toward each other. I think the main problem is misunderstanding. I just get my sister's side, my dad just gets his wife's side, and when emotion is involved, can you ever really fully trust someone's account? I am more inclined to believe my sister for two reasons: she doesn't sound emotional when she is telling me and also because it usually comes out much after the fact. She isn't just running to me to complain. However, still, that doesn't mean that more civility cannot be attained on her side.
Anyway, time will only tell what will happen, but I hope that things work out because I'm not sure where else Lizzy can go . . .

Resolution, kind of

We kind of have a resolution for the situation that happened today. My dad talked to my sister after dinner and took the wife's side, in everything. He even said that what my sister did was abuse toward his wife. That means that according to him, to stand up for yourself=abuse.
I can't say that I'm surprised that he took her side (he also told my sister that if she wouldn't listen to the wife, then they would have to make other arrangements), but I was hoping that for once he would show that he cared about his daughters. But, I shouldn't have even hoped for that. This means that my sister is going to try to find a different place to live. Hopefully she will be able to find something quickly. The situation she is in isn't going to get better, and I foresee it get worse now that the wife knows my dad won't stand up for his daughters. After all, he doesn't want to be alone, and all she would have to do is threaten to leave him if he did. I don't know if that's what she did, but I wouldn't put it past her. And unfortunately my dad is very different then me because I would say, screw you! I would rather be alone then live with that over my head.
I feel drained now, extremely disappointed, but resigned to the fact that things aren't going to change. And it seems to me that in the future, my dad will be less and less a part of my life. I wonder if he won't come to my graduation now as a result . . .

Confrontation

So, I haven't written about anything to do with the following in a long time. That is partly because it is deeply personal and also partly because I like to pretend that it isn't happening when I can. But, after today, I feel like I need some kind of outlet. I will try to give a brief synopsis of the situation up to this date, and then explain what happened today.
First, if you remember, my dad remarried over a year ago. He married a woman who has since caused untold havoc in my life. She is rude and inconsiderate, manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive, and she particularly likes to say bad things about my mom. She was born on September 18th, which is the day that my mother died. She likes to make jokes about that, but the most hurtful thing she said that she was "grateful" for my mom's "sacrifice in dieing" and that she just "knew something good" would happen on her birthday that year.
Other than that, she likes to yell at my sister for silly little things, like leaving a cupboard door open (even if she wasn't the one to open that cupboard). But, to make a really long story short, the situation has been pretty bad for my sister. She's been trying to avoid confrontation, hoping for it to get better, but it hasn't and in some ways has gotten worse.
Today it became even worse when my sister decided to stand up for herself. My dad's wife demanded that Lizzy clean up her room immediately. When Elizabeth refused, she, I guess you could say, freaked out and went off on a power trip. My sister told her that she wasn't going to put up with her abuse anymore. My dad's wife followed Lizzy into her room and stood there blocking the door. She stood in her room for 3 hours, refusing to leave until my sister cleaned her room. Elizabeth told her that she would clean her room as soon as my dad's wife left the room, but the wife refused. She said, "I don't make compromises." My sister called me for help. I, being so far away, didn't really know what to do. The wife refused to talk to me, calling me "childish" (wow, and yet she was acting the way that she was?). So, I talked to her through Elizabeth (I really felt childish doing that, but it wasn't what I wanted). All she would say is that SHE is the boss, she is in charge around there, that she didn't make compromises and if my sister couldn't deal with that, then she would have to leave.
Well, I'm sorry, but it is CHILDREN who refuse to make compromises in a conflict situation, or very immature people who think that refusing to make compromises make you look weak. She said that what she wanted was for Lizzy to clean her room, but when she was given that option, she refused. That tells me that what she REALLY wants, is to dominate. She wants to exercise unrighteous dominion. Either that, or she really just wants to get Elizabeth out of the house and make sure that we (all my sisters) are no longer a part of my dad's life. But, I've kind of felt like she was trying to drive a wedge for a long time.
So how did the problem get resolved, you ask? Well, I called my dad while Lizzy called someone from church for some help. That person suggested a compromise that we hadn't thought of: Lizzy would strip down the bed while the wife was in the room, then the wife would leave (by the way, I've always referred to her by her name before this, I just don't want that kind of association on my blog right now, plus, I'd prefer not to use names except for my sister, since I've mentioned her time and time again) and Elizabeth would finish cleaning the room. She, again, refused to compromise. By the way, we asked her to be civilized and she also said that she doesn't make compromises. Being civilized is a compromise?
Elizabeth used the excuse of taking the laundry down, and escaped her room. In the meantime, I called my dad. I told him what was going on, but he was on a conference call, so he couldn't really talk. He said he would figure it out when he was done with his call, which he said should be soon after. Well, a while later, he got home. He and the wife left for lunch. On the way out, the wife said that she expected the room to be clean by the time she got back.
That was my dad's solution to the problem. Maybe he talked to her over lunch, but I feel like nothing was resolved. Maybe the resolution will still come, but I wonder if there is a resolution to this situation. The wife obviously refuses to be a civilized person and respect us just because we are her husband's children, if nothing else, and she also refuses to compromise, but without a compromise, she is just being a b***h. (Sorry, I don't like to swear, but I can't think of another word that adequately describes how she is acting, PLUS she used the word to describe herself, so for me that makes it fair game). Plus, I don't see my dad ever standing up for any of us if that means disagreeing with his wife. Its funny because he didn't use to be that way . . . But, its like he is afraid to disagree. I'm not saying he has to always take our side (that would be just as wrong as never taking our side), but allowing his wife to verbally and emotionally abuse his daughters is not acceptable.
The only solution I can come up with, is for Lizzy to move out. I just don't know where she can go, especially since other family members have demonstrated their unwillingness to let her stay with them, and I can't afford to pay for her living expenses. If I had a real job, I would let her stay with me until she found a job, but I can't afford it...
Anyway, I'm sorry to unload all this on you, but I already talked about it with my friends and was still frustrated at the lack of a resolution. I hate being down here. Of course, I probably would have punched her if I was up there, and that wouldn't have been good, but I hate feeling helpless...