Hey all, what a crazy week, what a crazy day for that matter. I don't really know where to start, but things have been up and down again. But, let me answer your emails first. I still want Lizzy and Sara to write me every week and I have yet to hear from Becky. I am really starting to think she has fallen off the end of the earth and no longer exists or something. Who really knows? Definitely not me.
So, mom, you were first. I understand about the email thing, thanks for always being the one who writes me on a regular basis, though I have to admit that dad has done really well lately. Класно (Klasna) about the new puppy and I am really excited to see what he looks like. I also have to admit that I am really excited about the peanut butter. One of the Elders has a lot of huge jars of it that his mom sent, but it is crunchy, and even though that is better than nothing, it really made me want some peanut butter of my own. The things you don't appreciate. Really, I never realized how bad the peanut butter I had was until I had some Jiff and then ate the other afterwards.
That was not pleasant.
(Left - me and my giant German bread. That bread is so good . . . yum) I had to eat the rest of that peanut butter with sugar. That was pretty good, though. I haven't yet received the Christmas package, but some Elders will be coming back from Самара (Samara) at the end of the week, so there is hope. I checked to see when you sent it and a package for one of the Elders was sent two days before the one you sent and he just barely got it when we came back from Самара. I guess the mail has just been really slow. I was getting a little worried, but now I have hope. His family even sent him a digital camera and it arrived safely. That was cool. I can't tell you how much I am wishing I had one now, especially to be able to take video clips. Pretty much all the Elders have them and they are always taking videos, that is pretty cool. Oh well, some of the video they are going to give me copies of, and I have a lot of pictures from my camera. I've already taken more than 13 rolls of film since I entered the MTC. I guess that means I will have a lot to remember when I get home, especially since I have also nearly written 700 pages in my journal. Честно, (chestna - that's kind of like honestly or something) I don't know HOW I have time for all that.
Mom, you really need to stop slipping on the ice. That seems to happen every winter, but I'm glad it's not as bad as you thought it was. I was also glad to hear that Dorothy got out of the hospital. I hope she feels better soon. - Oh, I've been receiving the taboo cards. They are great. They really help the speaking group to learn new words and learn more about American culture. It is great, so if there are more, I would love to have them. We haven't yet gone through all the other cards you sent me, so don't worry about sending them quickly, but when you get a chance, that would be great.
Dad, the ones that I didn't send a copy of are ok for display. Thanks for getting that taken care of and if there is anything I don't want, I will send a second copy. That is the nice thing about using gmail, it is a lot easier to be able to resend what I already sent, plus I don't have to worry about it kicking me out of the site so I can't send my email. I'm sure that the puppy will soon be house trained. It would also be good to teach him to not run away when he is outside, but I don't know how that will go because you have to be somewhere he can be without a leash. If you start when they are puppies, then you don't have to worry about them taking off if they get out of the house or the yard.
Let's see. Where should I even start. I don't know. Being in Самара with the sisters there was a little interesting, and I enjoyed it, but I was so glad to get back to Тольятти. I didn't really feel like I was needed in Самара so I was really looking forward to not being a third-wheel anymore. But, unfortunately things didn't work out the way that I wanted them to. First, I had to ride in a Taxi by myself to pick up Sister Саргсян from the airport. I don't know why sisters can be alone with men who are not members of the church on an hour drive into kind of the middle of nowhere, but I guess this particular Taxi driver always drives for the office and so they didn't worry about anything. Sister Саргсян also drove all the way to the airport with him and by herself. Then we headed straight for Тольятти which was good except there was an activity in Самара that I didn't want to miss, so I was a little sad about that. But, then it was nice to be home and be able to unpack.
The ZLs wanted their mail and package, so they asked us to bring it over. One of them had been sick all week so we decided to be nice and take it over. They don't live very far away, just a few minutes on foot. But, that was probably a mistake because I felt awful afterwards. We had been gone the entire week, from Tuesday to Friday and instead of asking how things were, they asked about and for their mail. Then, we decided we were really tired and we wanted to go to bed early since we could, Sister Саргсян called the DL to let him know we were home (part of his responsibility is to call us every night and make sure everything is ok). His companion answered the phone. I have to say, all the Elders are really great and we love them, but sometimes they do stupid things. The first thing he said was, you're home?
Do I have mail? Then he wanted to know how much mail and from who.
(Right - Elder Ross got this bear from his mother as a present. We decided to take pictures wit it . . .) He didn't ask one thing about how our week had been and how the trip had been. So, after that I felt like the thing they cared about most was the mail, and then if they had time amidst their rejoicing, we were an after thought. That kind of put me in a, not really a bad mood, just a sad mood. I felt like no one even noticed that we had been gone and that meant it didn't really matter to anyone whether we were there or not.
The next day I was still just really down and we went to sports. That usual makes me feel better because I really enjoy soccer, but even that didn't help. The Elders asked how Самара was and I just told them it was fine. I already didn't feel like talking to them. No one even noticed that I wasn't myself, except Sister Саргсян. She's really good about that. Anyway, that feeling continued through Sunday and then even into Monday. Nothing helped. I even prayed to feel better. But, what should I discover, something happened finally on Monday. I really don't know what it was. We had our district meeting and I didn't feel like going. It was really cold on the street, but we did our usual street contacting on the way. We are supposed to contact for an hour everyday but we decided that we would do a half and hour before and a half hour after. In that half hour we were able to talk to a lot of people and have three lessons on the street, despite the fact that our eyelashes and even our nose hair (sorry but it is true) were frozen over. If you haven't felt ice in your nose, I gotta say it is a very uncomfortable feeling. That helped me to feel better. I always feel better when we are working, but I still didn't want to go to district meeting because sometimes it seems like I always end up feeling awful after we are around the Elders. That's not always the case but when I was just starting to feel better, I didn't want that to change. Then, our district meeting was really good. I'm not sure what was different if anything, but I felt so much better afterwards.
Then, the last few days have been interesting. We had a first lesson with a lady who was referred to us by a member. That means we have a new investigator. That was really cool, but I think she is feeling pushed into it by the member who referred her, who also happens to be her landlady. So, I think we need to meet with her without her landlady there to really learn how she feels about everything. Just because she is a little hesitant now doesn't mean that she isn't interested, we just need to find out. Plus, right now we aren't allowed to street contact. They told us that it is too cold and if we don't have an appointment we have to be home. The thing is, it is only like -22F right now, but I guess with the wind, they don't want us to risk it. I really like the cold. I always feel good when we enter a building after being out on the street. Oh well, this weather isn't normal for my companion, even though she has lived in Russia for the last 6 years.
I guess that is about it.
One last thing for the family. I hate to say this, but being in Russia, we really need a lot of support. That is to say, things are hard and we need to have friendship with the Elders to make it easier. That means that there is a lot of hurt a lot of the time because they are still young and immature and don't know how to behave around girls, especially sisters. So, that happened yesterday. We got home and Sister Саргсян kind of freaked out. It was awful. Nothing I said made her feel better. She cried a lot and I tried comforting her, but nothing helped. She told me a lot of things that I didn't want to hear like she wants to go home now and that she doesn't feel God's love. I told her she should pray and she told me that she doesn't feel Him there. That made me really worried. She kind of fell asleep and so when the DL called, I had to get the phone. I didn't really want to tell anything to him, I just wanted to get off the phone, but for some reason he noticed something in my voice and he asked about it. I said, what do you mean? He said, I don't know, you just sound sad. I didn't know how to respond to that because I can't lie (that's a good thing, but I really wanted to at that moment and it just wouldn't come out). I said, well, yeah. Then of course he wanted to know what happened. He is a really good person and is always there for us even when I think he should be tired of having to make us feel better. We ended up talking for almost an hour and I told him a lot of things that maybe I shouldn't have said because they weren't my things to say but I couldn't stop myself from saying. (Besides, I told Sister Саргсян this morning what I told him and she said I did the right thing, but I'll get to that in a second if I have time). I even told him that maybe it is my fault because it seems like all my companions have problems when they are with me, even in the MTC. I swear, half of my time is spent trying to cheer up my companions or make them feel better. He told me, no, that's not true that there is a reason I am with them when they are having the problems. That made me feel better but I was still sad because I didn't know what to do to help her. He kept telling me things to say and I told him, I already said that, and I said this and she didn't believe me. After one thing I said, he said, wow, you're good. That would have snapped me right out of it! - Well, to make a long story short, he said he would call the Elder that said something that started the whole thing and he kept repeating that it isn't me and that I should just do all I can so she knows we love her, etc.
Each time he was going to hang up the phone, he started saying something else until finally our cell phone rang and I needed to go answer that.
(Left - another bear picture) I picked that up and it was one of the APs. I was afraid that he was going to say Sister Саргсян had a transfer (we should find out about those soon) and I really don't want that. We get a long great, despite the times when she feels like crap and I feel like crap because SHE feels like crap. Anyway, it wasn't about that so I wasn't on the phone long. As soon as I hung up, the other phone rang and it was the Elder who started the whole thing. He wanted to talk to Sister Саргсян. I told him she was sleeping, so he ended up asking for my help. I gave him a little advice because he told me that he really doesn't understand girls. He also asked me a lot of questions. I told him that girls are really simple and I told him one thing, that we like to hear nice things. That made him think that he can't joke with us so I said, you can, we just need to KNOW you are joking when you joke. I also told him that sarcasm is an American thing. Finally, he said that he would try calling the next day and asked if she would talk to him. I said I didn't know and he said he would try anyway. Well, all the calls ended up waking Sister Саргсян up without my knowing it. She wouldn't have talked to them anyway, so that is alright. But, that means that it all started again when I went into our room. It was already past 10:30, but I figured that helping her was more important than going to bed on time. We talked until 1:00 and I kept telling her that she should call the Elders that maybe that would help when I couldn't. She told me that I shouldn't care and that soon I won't love her either. I told her that wasn't possible, but nothing I said helped.
Eventually, she fell asleep again but my head hurt so bad I couldn't sleep. So, I decided to break another rule and not get up on time the next day. Don't think bad about me, I wouldn't have done that if today hadn't been P-Day, but maybe I am awful because I did it knowing that I shouldn't. I purposefully turned off my alarm and then when I prayed, I asked forgiveness for what I was going to do. I do think He understands and forgave me. I can't work on only 4 hours of sleep.
Then, this morning, the phone rang at 8:00. You can probably guess who that was. Sister Саргсян was still sleeping, so I answered the phone and told him she was sleeping. He said he would try calling again. The funny thing is, he is ZL and he didn't say anything about her sleeping. Anyway, that's beside the point. The night before she told me she wouldn't talk to him so I knew that SHE had to be the one to answer the phone. The ZLs have a cell phone, so I decided to take a shower. I sent them a message through our cell phone for him to call in 5 minutes, not to respond to my message and not to ever mention it again. Then I got in. I didn't hear the phone ring so I stayed in there for 40 minutes. That was a killer! Finally I couldn't stay any longer and I got out. I got out to hear Sister Саргсян talking on the phone. She sounded so calm that I wondered if that could possibly be the Elder. Soon after, she hung up. I asked her about it, and it was him. I don't know all that he said, but I guess he came up with a plan to change himself and he told her about it. I have to say, I didn't think it would work, but I prayed it would and she is so much better now. I'm not exactly sure why I told you about this, but I just felt like I wanted to. Then, after that, we talked about it. She told me that she thought about what I said to her the night before a lot, and that she didn't want to accept it, but that I said the right things. Maybe that means I am useful here after all, even though I have my doubts.
Well, I guess that's it. Tell everyone to write me. I really need to hear from people to keep my sanity.
Love,
Сестра Атвуд
Don't get me wrong, I still love her, but right now things are really hard for her and I don't know how to help her and I am sick of trying to figure out what to say so that everything will be ok for her. (Left - With Mozart at a culture night concert) I'm not strong enough to handle this! I finally told President about it so we will see what happens. The thing is, sometimes things are ideally great and then the next second I don't know what hit me and she's crying or angry or telling me that she shouldn't be on a mission, etc. So, yeah, if you have any suggestions, please tell me because I am starting to think that I am a bad companion and a bad missionary.
