Хуже и хуже

Well, here I am, once again, the bringer of bad news. Here I am wide awake in the early morning hours, unable to sleep, unable to rest, unable to forget. If you haven't figured it out by now, my mom died this morning (the picture above is my mom in High School). She is gone. How is it possible for things to have progressed so quickly? 3 weeks ago we had no idea things were this serious. 2 weeks ago we learned that she had cancer, 2 days ago we learned that it was terminal. The doctors said she had less than 6 months to live. Their calculations were way off.
Have you ever felt disconnected from your surroundings? That's how I feel right now. I am living in a state of denial because otherwise I could not function. Why does so much sorrow and so much hurt have to come to my family? Why can't we just live happily ever after like characters in fairy tales? But that is not possible. Life never works like it does in fairy tales. Sometimes the bad guys DO win, and often the hero dies. . .
But amidst all of the feelings and lack of feelings, I can only wonder, what will come of my dad? My dad may not be a man of many words, but he loves his family, and he loves his wife. I've only seen my dad cry once, and that was after the death of my brother. But I heard him cry this morning when he called to tell me what had happened. How will he survive? How will he get on in the day to day things that my mother always did? Every day he will wake up in an empty bed, reminded of what he is missing. Every day he will have to do the things that my mom always did, pay bills, do taxes, run errands, cook, clean, drive my sisters around. Each time, he will be reminded of what is gone.
Then there is the rest of my family. I can't speak for my other siblings, but my mom for me was the center of the home. I always wanted to be where she was, so I could talk to her, hear her voice. I called her at least once a week, often times more. I called her when I needed advice, when I had a problem, when something exciting happened, when I was sad, and I even called her just because, just because I was walking home from school and had time, just because I felt like talking to her. My mom has been such a big part of my life, I can't imagine how I will get through the rest of it without her. She helped me come to terms with my brother's death, but who will help me come to term with hers?