Wow, I have not posted in a long time. Things have been crazy, but not very interesting. I'm still waiting for my background check to finish so I can get my security clearance. I'm working at Walmart while I wait and Lizzy and I possibly found a place to live. It will be a mobile home, not in the greatest of conditions, but at least it will be clean and at least they will let me have Gizmo without charging me an arm and a leg to do it.
We will hopefully be signing our contract tomorrow or early this week. Then comes the task of moving in, and finding some furniture. We need a couch and a table/chairs. Other than that, I need to find myself a mattress (or buy one), but I'm hoping that won't take long to get in order.
The middle of August, we will be heading down to Utah for a family reunion, to help Sara move, and for me to get the last of my stuff. It will be nice to see Gizmo again.
Oh, I guess a couple of interesting things have happened, but they are bad things. First, I was eating some popcorn and broke my left back molar. I went in to the dentist and they told me I would need to get a crown (that is over $1000). I could just do a filling, but the chances of it breaking again are high and it could possible break to the point where it couldn't be fixed next time. So I decided to go with it. Luckily, I qualified for a care credit that is 0% interest for 12 months. That means I only have to pay about $100 a month to not pay interest.
Then, not long after, the alternator in my car died. I took it in, expecting to pay $350. My dad told me that it shouldn't cost that much, but when they gave me the estimate, it was exactly what I was expecting. To my pleasant surprise, it was actually only $225 when I picked it up! That was a relief.
Now all I have to do is hope that no other major expenses come up. All I can say is that it is a good thing I decided to get a job. I don't know what I would do if these things had happened and I wasn't working . . .
And hopefully my background check will be finished soon. If their original estimate is correct, though, I still have 4 months to wait!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Its July!
It's been a while since I posted. A LOT has been going on, some good, some not so good.
First, I got my medical clearance for the Foreign Service! Worldwide available! This is good, but I am still waiting for my background check to finish so I can get my security clearance. I have been contacted by an investigator (two of them, actually) who have been contacting people that I know and asking them questions about me. I'm glad to see it moving along, although the hard part is still left (I think): they need to contact my foreign contacts. Some of those contacts, I don't have current contact information for (besides email address), so who knows if I will be able to get them the information that they need.
I have also been working on going through my stuff. I finally finished going through the stuff in the room that used to be mine, and have moved Lizzy down there. Although, I still have things in there, at least I know what I am keeping from that room. Unfortunately, it turned out to be most of it . . . But I am getting rid of clothes (including shoes), some books, and most of my papers. That still feels good. Of course, the stuff that was in my room (besides most of the papers) was there because I was using it, so its not really surprising that I am keeping most of the things that were in that room. I will probably get rid of more of the things that are in the attic.
So, one more bad thing. My dad told my sister that Gizmo (my cat) can't stay at that house unless he becomes a family cat. First of all, he's my cat, not a family cat (not that there really is even a family), second of all, I don't want to risk exposing my cat to contagious diseases (the other cat in the house, my dad originally told me had FIV. Now he says that was a false positive and that he has some kind of skin condition. Well, what if the second test was a false negative? And how do I know the skin condition isn't contagious?) Now I have to figure out something else for him. Luckily, Erin said she doesn't mind him staying here (at her house, even though she has two cats and a daycare) if her cats don't have a problem with it. Its funny because my friend, Erin (and my other friend, Heather) are more of family then my dad has ever been. She's willing to help me out in anyway possible, even if its not convenient for her. My dad is only willing to help if it is convenient for him.
Anyway, I've been looking in to finding an apartment, just in case, but it is harder to find apartments that will allow pets here in Bismarck then it was in Provo (and I thought THAT was hard). My dad also tried to make me think that it would be impossible for me to take Gizmo with me when I start working overseas. I've since looked in to it, and he was wrong. Then again, he just says things without ever giving proof to back it up. Sure, there are some countries that require a six-month quarantine, but I think those are rarer. And, from what I understand, there are a lot of pets in the foreign service, so they have information like that readily available before you even bid on a post.
Oh, I also start working today (at Wal-mart) as a night stocker. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not sure how the night hours will affect me, sleep-wise. It will be fine. After all, it is only until I start working in the foreign service.
First, I got my medical clearance for the Foreign Service! Worldwide available! This is good, but I am still waiting for my background check to finish so I can get my security clearance. I have been contacted by an investigator (two of them, actually) who have been contacting people that I know and asking them questions about me. I'm glad to see it moving along, although the hard part is still left (I think): they need to contact my foreign contacts. Some of those contacts, I don't have current contact information for (besides email address), so who knows if I will be able to get them the information that they need.
I have also been working on going through my stuff. I finally finished going through the stuff in the room that used to be mine, and have moved Lizzy down there. Although, I still have things in there, at least I know what I am keeping from that room. Unfortunately, it turned out to be most of it . . . But I am getting rid of clothes (including shoes), some books, and most of my papers. That still feels good. Of course, the stuff that was in my room (besides most of the papers) was there because I was using it, so its not really surprising that I am keeping most of the things that were in that room. I will probably get rid of more of the things that are in the attic.
So, one more bad thing. My dad told my sister that Gizmo (my cat) can't stay at that house unless he becomes a family cat. First of all, he's my cat, not a family cat (not that there really is even a family), second of all, I don't want to risk exposing my cat to contagious diseases (the other cat in the house, my dad originally told me had FIV. Now he says that was a false positive and that he has some kind of skin condition. Well, what if the second test was a false negative? And how do I know the skin condition isn't contagious?) Now I have to figure out something else for him. Luckily, Erin said she doesn't mind him staying here (at her house, even though she has two cats and a daycare) if her cats don't have a problem with it. Its funny because my friend, Erin (and my other friend, Heather) are more of family then my dad has ever been. She's willing to help me out in anyway possible, even if its not convenient for her. My dad is only willing to help if it is convenient for him.
Anyway, I've been looking in to finding an apartment, just in case, but it is harder to find apartments that will allow pets here in Bismarck then it was in Provo (and I thought THAT was hard). My dad also tried to make me think that it would be impossible for me to take Gizmo with me when I start working overseas. I've since looked in to it, and he was wrong. Then again, he just says things without ever giving proof to back it up. Sure, there are some countries that require a six-month quarantine, but I think those are rarer. And, from what I understand, there are a lot of pets in the foreign service, so they have information like that readily available before you even bid on a post.
Oh, I also start working today (at Wal-mart) as a night stocker. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not sure how the night hours will affect me, sleep-wise. It will be fine. After all, it is only until I start working in the foreign service.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Back in North Dakota
I am back in North Dakota. It is so odd to be back. Maybe that is partly because I don't really feel like I have a place. I'm staying with my friend, but even there I don't have a place. (Erin, if you read this, don't feel bad, that's just the nature of staying with someone). I'm so used to being on my own, not having anyone waiting for me, or wondering where I am. I'm used to having space to put my things. I'm used to cooking my own meals, and buying my own food. I can still eat whatever I want, but more so depends on what is in the house that I am currently sitting in, which I don't control.
But, I have an interview this week. I really hope I get that job. Then I may look into finding a place for me to live. But, the problem is that I would need a furnished apartment (I don't really want to have to go looking for furniture) and that is really hard to find here. Plus, I don't want a long lease, maybe 6 months at the most, but preferably a month by month lease. That is also hard to find. The only option, in my very minuscule browsing, that I have come across is corporate housing. I haven't been able to find price quotes, so I'm assuming that it is probably expensive. I guess there is also subleasing, but who knows if anyone is doing that? I'll have to look into it more. The corporate housing really would be perfect, but I doubt that I could actually afford it.
So, that is my dilemma. The best option would be for my security clearance to go through quickly and for me to start working for the State Department, but since the government is nothing if not thorough, I kind of doubt I will start working before the end of the year, if even that soon.
But, I have an interview this week. I really hope I get that job. Then I may look into finding a place for me to live. But, the problem is that I would need a furnished apartment (I don't really want to have to go looking for furniture) and that is really hard to find here. Plus, I don't want a long lease, maybe 6 months at the most, but preferably a month by month lease. That is also hard to find. The only option, in my very minuscule browsing, that I have come across is corporate housing. I haven't been able to find price quotes, so I'm assuming that it is probably expensive. I guess there is also subleasing, but who knows if anyone is doing that? I'll have to look into it more. The corporate housing really would be perfect, but I doubt that I could actually afford it.
So, that is my dilemma. The best option would be for my security clearance to go through quickly and for me to start working for the State Department, but since the government is nothing if not thorough, I kind of doubt I will start working before the end of the year, if even that soon.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Communication
I've known for a long time that communication is an important part of any relationship. In fact, I feel that there is no relationship without communication. Perhaps that is why it has ceased to worry me that my so-called relationship with my dad has pretty much gone down the toilet. There never really was a relationship because we never had communication. Oh, I tried. I tried when I was younger. But unfortunately, I came to realize that my dad only heard what he wanted to hear, and never what I was trying to tell him.
For example, when I was 14 years old (or thereabouts) I went on an overnight camping trip with my two best friends. This overnight camping trip was through my friend's church. There were other people on this camping trip, including guys. I didn't think anything of it. I had a great time. My two best friends and I hung out the entire weekend, hiked, shared a tent, and had great adventures (we almost hiked into a buffalo . . . literally), but when I got home, my enthusiasm for the trip was quickly squashed when I decided to tell my dad about my fantastic weekend. I was telling him about some exciting thing, I'm sure in an excited and animated way, only to be interrupted with this, "There were boys on this camping trip?" I was astounded. I hadn't really thought about it before. It wasn't an essential part of my story. In my silence, he proceeded to get angry and tell me that he never would have let me go if he had known that boys would be going, too. That was my childhood relationship with my father. I learned after that experience to be very selective in what I told my father. If it was something really important to me, I would tell my mother, but never my father. If I couldn't escape mentioning something to him, I was very careful in what I said, only telling the exact facts and necessary details.
That is the time that I can really say that my communication with my father ended. There wasn't really communication with him before that, but after that vivid experience, I quit trying.
That is, until my brother died. After my brother died, I realized how fragile life really is. He was there one day, gone the next, with no warning that such a drastic change was going to take place. I wanted to revitalize my relationship with my dad. I attempted to tell him so, and although he agreed that he wanted a better relationship with me, I don't think either of us really knew how to go about it. I was already a way at school. He doesn't like to talk on the telephone. It seemed an impossible situation. Then I left for my mission. I was half-way around the world with the only form of regular and consistent communication that of writing emails or letters. At first I didn't hear from my dad at all. My mom was really good about writing me. Elizabeth got good at writing me after I chewed her out for not writing me. Sara, although she eventually wrote me every week, did not write much, so I guess I can't say that she was good at writing me. However, although my dad didn't write me weekly, he did better then I ever expected. I considered progress to have been made, no matter how minuscule.
Then, less than a year after I returned from Russia, my mom passed away. Although we had a little warning, it was definitely not enough. We were all shocked by my mother's quick passing. I figured that my father would realize the importance of family (that isn't to say that he thinks family is unimportant, but knowing the importance of something is different than REALIZING the importance of it) and step up, become a father, a real father. But the opposite happened.
The day that my mother died, I became an orphan. Not officially, but that is how it felt/feels. Perhaps the problem is that my father never learned how to be a real father. For him, being a parent means physically providing for his family. Although that is important, being a father is more than just bringing home the bacon. It means being there emotionally. He never was. I only remember my father saying one nice thing to me while growing up. But that isn't much of a surprise, he was gone so often. He was never interested in what I did in school, or what my dreams and aspirations were. Or if he was interested, he wasn't interested enough to ask me about it. Perhaps my mom just passed the information on, and he was content to hear about our lives, rather than participate in them, but for me that is not enough. That is not what it takes to be a father.
So, after my mother died, I again wanted a better relationship with my father, but I didn't know what to do about it. I felt and still feel that it is up to him. He has to take a step, make an effort. And here is where problems in communication come back into the picture. I have to say that a lot of my dad's family is bad at communicating. Sometimes, at least when it comes to them, I find myself having the same difficulty. On my part, I know the reason why, I don't feel like I can communicate with them. And so no communication exists. My older sister lives with one of my dad's sisters. Whenever that sister wants to pass information on to me, or wants to ask me something, it is done through my sister. I'll get a call from my sister (which rarely happens). That is why, when I graduated, it was really annoying that my aunt, who said she would be at my graduation, didn't come because she hadn't gotten the information about my graduation in time. But she has my phone number. She could have called. She could have asked me herself. But, communication is not a strong suit in that family. For me, that makes me feel like I can't call her directly and ask her things, or tell her things. After all, she is a great deal older than me. Shouldn't she be setting the example?
This is ending up a lot longer than I expected. But I have just one last thing to say about communication. The most recent display of lack of communication didn't actually happen with me. My younger sister who is living with my dad right now told me about it. Apparently my dad went out of town. He told her a couple hours before he left. This is by no means a solitary incident. In fact, my dad rarely tells her anything. She usually finds out that he is going out of town from other people, or when she overhears him telling someone else. There is no communication. There is no relationship.
For example, when I was 14 years old (or thereabouts) I went on an overnight camping trip with my two best friends. This overnight camping trip was through my friend's church. There were other people on this camping trip, including guys. I didn't think anything of it. I had a great time. My two best friends and I hung out the entire weekend, hiked, shared a tent, and had great adventures (we almost hiked into a buffalo . . . literally), but when I got home, my enthusiasm for the trip was quickly squashed when I decided to tell my dad about my fantastic weekend. I was telling him about some exciting thing, I'm sure in an excited and animated way, only to be interrupted with this, "There were boys on this camping trip?" I was astounded. I hadn't really thought about it before. It wasn't an essential part of my story. In my silence, he proceeded to get angry and tell me that he never would have let me go if he had known that boys would be going, too. That was my childhood relationship with my father. I learned after that experience to be very selective in what I told my father. If it was something really important to me, I would tell my mother, but never my father. If I couldn't escape mentioning something to him, I was very careful in what I said, only telling the exact facts and necessary details.
That is the time that I can really say that my communication with my father ended. There wasn't really communication with him before that, but after that vivid experience, I quit trying.
That is, until my brother died. After my brother died, I realized how fragile life really is. He was there one day, gone the next, with no warning that such a drastic change was going to take place. I wanted to revitalize my relationship with my dad. I attempted to tell him so, and although he agreed that he wanted a better relationship with me, I don't think either of us really knew how to go about it. I was already a way at school. He doesn't like to talk on the telephone. It seemed an impossible situation. Then I left for my mission. I was half-way around the world with the only form of regular and consistent communication that of writing emails or letters. At first I didn't hear from my dad at all. My mom was really good about writing me. Elizabeth got good at writing me after I chewed her out for not writing me. Sara, although she eventually wrote me every week, did not write much, so I guess I can't say that she was good at writing me. However, although my dad didn't write me weekly, he did better then I ever expected. I considered progress to have been made, no matter how minuscule.
Then, less than a year after I returned from Russia, my mom passed away. Although we had a little warning, it was definitely not enough. We were all shocked by my mother's quick passing. I figured that my father would realize the importance of family (that isn't to say that he thinks family is unimportant, but knowing the importance of something is different than REALIZING the importance of it) and step up, become a father, a real father. But the opposite happened.
The day that my mother died, I became an orphan. Not officially, but that is how it felt/feels. Perhaps the problem is that my father never learned how to be a real father. For him, being a parent means physically providing for his family. Although that is important, being a father is more than just bringing home the bacon. It means being there emotionally. He never was. I only remember my father saying one nice thing to me while growing up. But that isn't much of a surprise, he was gone so often. He was never interested in what I did in school, or what my dreams and aspirations were. Or if he was interested, he wasn't interested enough to ask me about it. Perhaps my mom just passed the information on, and he was content to hear about our lives, rather than participate in them, but for me that is not enough. That is not what it takes to be a father.
So, after my mother died, I again wanted a better relationship with my father, but I didn't know what to do about it. I felt and still feel that it is up to him. He has to take a step, make an effort. And here is where problems in communication come back into the picture. I have to say that a lot of my dad's family is bad at communicating. Sometimes, at least when it comes to them, I find myself having the same difficulty. On my part, I know the reason why, I don't feel like I can communicate with them. And so no communication exists. My older sister lives with one of my dad's sisters. Whenever that sister wants to pass information on to me, or wants to ask me something, it is done through my sister. I'll get a call from my sister (which rarely happens). That is why, when I graduated, it was really annoying that my aunt, who said she would be at my graduation, didn't come because she hadn't gotten the information about my graduation in time. But she has my phone number. She could have called. She could have asked me herself. But, communication is not a strong suit in that family. For me, that makes me feel like I can't call her directly and ask her things, or tell her things. After all, she is a great deal older than me. Shouldn't she be setting the example?
This is ending up a lot longer than I expected. But I have just one last thing to say about communication. The most recent display of lack of communication didn't actually happen with me. My younger sister who is living with my dad right now told me about it. Apparently my dad went out of town. He told her a couple hours before he left. This is by no means a solitary incident. In fact, my dad rarely tells her anything. She usually finds out that he is going out of town from other people, or when she overhears him telling someone else. There is no communication. There is no relationship.
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