Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Being Homeless
I haven't updated in awhile. So here is a big update. I am homeless. I've been homeless for the past two days and the end isn't yet in sight. What makes it even worse is that after today, Elizabeth will be homeless, too. What to do? I don't know. I am running out of options. The nice thing is that I have a cousin who lives in Provo who will let us stay at their apartment this night. Hopefully that will be long enough . . . Wish me luck! And I still need all the prayers I can get!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Better News
So, I'm feeling a little less stressed then I was feeling yesterday, though not by much. I guess the reason I am feeling less stressed is because I have found a couple of options for the Gizmo situation. One, involves me getting my own apartment which has pluses of its own. I have to call about it to find out more information, but it's nice to know that there are options. I also now know that I will never rely on family members (except for Lizzy and Sara) to help me with a situation unless they first prove to me that they are reliable. Honestly, I got myself into this mess because I didn't take the hints of what happened with Elizabeth. I truly believed that things "would be different," ok, no, I just really wanted to believe that things would be different with Sara. But it's ok, because I've been wanting to get my own apartment and now I have a pressing reason to do so.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Stress, stress and more stress!
So why am I feeling stressed, you ask? Is it the fact that I am still walking around on crutches due to my healing/broken foot? Is it because finals are next week and I have to write a paper (in Russian) on euthanasia? Is it because I am graduating in April and that brings tons of things to think about and consider? Is it because I am preparing to take the FSOT in November which will determine my future career choices? Is it because I still don't know what I'm going to do after I graduate even in the event that I get hired into the foreign service (since I would have to have a background check done before I could actually start working)? Is it because I still don't have a place to stay come the end of August?
Although all of those things definitely give me stress, that is not the thing that has made me the most stressed right now. For those of you who don't know, I have a cat (you don't have to like cats to sympathize with me about this) and I love my cat very much. However, it is very difficult to find places here, especially as a student, where pets are allowed. So, my youngest sister was kind enough to agree to live with relatives and take care of my cat. Now, here is where the stress comes in, my sister was given an ultimatum that if she doesn't find a "decent job" within the next two weeks, they will "find her a ticket home." My sister's purpose in coming to Utah was to gain residency so she could go to school. Going back to Bismarck would completely defeat that purpose. So, there are other options. Unfortunately, those other options exclude my cat. We have many relatives in Utah, and one of those invited Sara to come stay with them in Brigham City. But, there, my cat, Gizmo (if you know his name, perhaps you will sympathize more), cannot go.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to give Gizmo (see picture above) away because I love that cat and he loves me, but that may be the only option that I have. I'm afraid, though, that no one would take him because he's been getting stressed out lately . . . and that leads him to scratch and bite. He's not a vicious animal, he just needs human interaction and when he doesn't get it, he gets upset. I think my giving him up entirely would really stress him out.
As for me, this stress is exactly what I DON'T need right before finals . . . or really any time. It is one more problem that I have to worry about and it is vaguely reminiscent of the time that these same relatives evicted my other sister . . . I guess I should have taken a clue from that, but they told me it would be different. I guess I was wrong to believe that. And if, by chance, the relatives that I am referring to actually read my blog, I don't even care if they know how I feel. I will also say this: I feel like everything they have told me, especially in the past year, has been a lie. They told me that they don't talk to my dad about every little thing, but when they had a problem with my younger sister (the first one who stayed there for LESS THAN A WEEK) instead of calling ME and talking to ME they called my dad to complain about the situation and told him that they were concerned that I had just abandoned my sister there. Then they say that they don't judge me and want me to talk to them, but everything they do and say tells me otherwise. Now, (I won't go into every detail) they told me that it would be different with my youngest sister. I told them before she moved in that her biggest concern was being independent, that she was moving out of the house to be able to be independent. They told me that that was not a problem. But, they don't allow her that independence, and that seems to be one of the biggest things that they have a problem with.
So, I will say this, as well, I don't know if they are TRYING to push me away, but it's working.
Back to the real issue, any ideas on what to do about Gizmo? I really don't have many options available to me, and I could use all the help that I can get. And pray for me, because this stress all added together will probably give me a heart attack one of these days.
Although all of those things definitely give me stress, that is not the thing that has made me the most stressed right now. For those of you who don't know, I have a cat (you don't have to like cats to sympathize with me about this) and I love my cat very much. However, it is very difficult to find places here, especially as a student, where pets are allowed. So, my youngest sister was kind enough to agree to live with relatives and take care of my cat. Now, here is where the stress comes in, my sister was given an ultimatum that if she doesn't find a "decent job" within the next two weeks, they will "find her a ticket home." My sister's purpose in coming to Utah was to gain residency so she could go to school. Going back to Bismarck would completely defeat that purpose. So, there are other options. Unfortunately, those other options exclude my cat. We have many relatives in Utah, and one of those invited Sara to come stay with them in Brigham City. But, there, my cat, Gizmo (if you know his name, perhaps you will sympathize more), cannot go.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to give Gizmo (see picture above) away because I love that cat and he loves me, but that may be the only option that I have. I'm afraid, though, that no one would take him because he's been getting stressed out lately . . . and that leads him to scratch and bite. He's not a vicious animal, he just needs human interaction and when he doesn't get it, he gets upset. I think my giving him up entirely would really stress him out.As for me, this stress is exactly what I DON'T need right before finals . . . or really any time. It is one more problem that I have to worry about and it is vaguely reminiscent of the time that these same relatives evicted my other sister . . . I guess I should have taken a clue from that, but they told me it would be different. I guess I was wrong to believe that. And if, by chance, the relatives that I am referring to actually read my blog, I don't even care if they know how I feel. I will also say this: I feel like everything they have told me, especially in the past year, has been a lie. They told me that they don't talk to my dad about every little thing, but when they had a problem with my younger sister (the first one who stayed there for LESS THAN A WEEK) instead of calling ME and talking to ME they called my dad to complain about the situation and told him that they were concerned that I had just abandoned my sister there. Then they say that they don't judge me and want me to talk to them, but everything they do and say tells me otherwise. Now, (I won't go into every detail) they told me that it would be different with my youngest sister. I told them before she moved in that her biggest concern was being independent, that she was moving out of the house to be able to be independent. They told me that that was not a problem. But, they don't allow her that independence, and that seems to be one of the biggest things that they have a problem with.
So, I will say this, as well, I don't know if they are TRYING to push me away, but it's working.
Back to the real issue, any ideas on what to do about Gizmo? I really don't have many options available to me, and I could use all the help that I can get. And pray for me, because this stress all added together will probably give me a heart attack one of these days.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Happy Birthday Heather!!
So, I didn't do this for Erin (sorry, I didn't think about it), but since my family blog is always posting everyone's birthdays, I thought I could do the same! So, happy birthday Heather! You finally caught up to me!!!
The picture here was taken at the end of May when I stopped to visit Heather on my way to my sister's graduation.
The picture here was taken at the end of May when I stopped to visit Heather on my way to my sister's graduation.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Slightly off-color
So, several days have passed since that single moment that has affected me so greatly since then. I am finally starting to get used to crutches. They still make my muscles ache, but now I can go farther before I have to stop for a rest. Since that first day, several interesting things have happened.
I noticed, as I walked to work on Saturday morning, that people only stop to help when there is NOTHING that they can do. If there is actually something that they could do, they don't stop. I muttered about this bitterly as I watched car after car pass me by as I slowly made my way to campus. I would have thought that just one person could have understood my plight and been kind enough to stop, but no, I made the whole trip on crutches. It was quite the contrast from the day before when I was walking around campus and practically everyone who saw me asked if they could do anything to help, but then, of course, there was nothing that could be done.
Still, I managed to get around at work, for a training class, and then get home without too much trouble. Sunday, was pretty much the same. I made it to campus without too much trouble. This time, there was something that could be done when people asked if they could help. Mainly it involved carrying my crutches so I cou
ld hop up the stairs. I had to explain my stupidity over and over again at church. It was quite disconcerting. (Left - here you can see the bruising on the side of my foot. It looks worse in real life).
Finally, there was a stake relief society presidency member at church and she told me about the scooters that some people use. I told her that I don't know where to get one and she said that she knew a girl who had had one and that she would see if the girl still had it and call me. Well, that got my hopes up, but I haven't heard from her, so either she forgot about me, or the girl didn't have it. Oh well, at least I'm getting used to the crutches.
On my way home from church, I was almost to the bottom of the stairs south of campus when a bunch of people from my ward came up behind me. One guy said that he could carry me down the rest of the way if I wanted. I guess I hesitated too long because he just picked me up and carried me down the rest of the way. It was quite an interesting experience, to be swept off my feet (literally) by someone I don't even know. To be honest, it didn't make too much of a difference, but at least he was paying attention in sacrament meeting (we had had a talk on doing little acts of charity). It would have been better if he had carried me UP the three flights of stairs I have to go up every day to get to my apartment, but I still made it home.
Today I was looking at my foot wondering at how it wasn't very bruised. I couldn't understand it because when I broke my toe, it got almost black! But, I thought, maybe that is because the toe bone is closer to the surface. Then, a little later, I noticed a spot on the right side of my foot. I carefully leaned my foot towards me so I could see and realized that my foot is a lot more bruised than it appears at first glance. You can't even really see it from the top! I've also begun to notice that my foot is getting slowly more swollen. Sometimes it is so bad that I can't even bend my toes! They are too fat!
I noticed, as I walked to work on Saturday morning, that people only stop to help when there is NOTHING that they can do. If there is actually something that they could do, they don't stop. I muttered about this bitterly as I watched car after car pass me by as I slowly made my way to campus. I would have thought that just one person could have understood my plight and been kind enough to stop, but no, I made the whole trip on crutches. It was quite the contrast from the day before when I was walking around campus and practically everyone who saw me asked if they could do anything to help, but then, of course, there was nothing that could be done.
Still, I managed to get around at work, for a training class, and then get home without too much trouble. Sunday, was pretty much the same. I made it to campus without too much trouble. This time, there was something that could be done when people asked if they could help. Mainly it involved carrying my crutches so I cou
ld hop up the stairs. I had to explain my stupidity over and over again at church. It was quite disconcerting. (Left - here you can see the bruising on the side of my foot. It looks worse in real life).Finally, there was a stake relief society presidency member at church and she told me about the scooters that some people use. I told her that I don't know where to get one and she said that she knew a girl who had had one and that she would see if the girl still had it and call me. Well, that got my hopes up, but I haven't heard from her, so either she forgot about me, or the girl didn't have it. Oh well, at least I'm getting used to the crutches.
On my way home from church, I was almost to the bottom of the stairs south of campus when a bunch of people from my ward came up behind me. One guy said that he could carry me down the rest of the way if I wanted. I guess I hesitated too long because he just picked me up and carried me down the rest of the way. It was quite an interesting experience, to be swept off my feet (literally) by someone I don't even know. To be honest, it didn't make too much of a difference, but at least he was paying attention in sacrament meeting (we had had a talk on doing little acts of charity). It would have been better if he had carried me UP the three flights of stairs I have to go up every day to get to my apartment, but I still made it home.
Today I was looking at my foot wondering at how it wasn't very bruised. I couldn't understand it because when I broke my toe, it got almost black! But, I thought, maybe that is because the toe bone is closer to the surface. Then, a little later, I noticed a spot on the right side of my foot. I carefully leaned my foot towards me so I could see and realized that my foot is a lot more bruised than it appears at first glance. You can't even really see it from the top! I've also begun to notice that my foot is getting slowly more swollen. Sometimes it is so bad that I can't even bend my toes! They are too fat!
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