Как всё у вас всех? Всё хорошо у меня. Может и это последнее письмо, а хотела, чтобы было особенно. Oops, I guess you don’t know what I said . . . oh well, no big deal. I’ll just start again:
Dear family,
How is everything? Everything is fine here. This may be my last letter so I wanted it to be special. . . .Yikes, after typing in Russian, I can’t look at the keyboard at all to be able to write in English or I get confused with the letters! Crazy!
Anyway, now that that is out of the way, I’ll begin a real letter. First things first, as usual, thanks to everyone who wrote me this week! I’ll begin with that.
Mom, thanks for your letter. As for packages, I sent a package home about a month or so ago. It was really expensive. The prices have doubled and so it cost twice as much as last time. Luckily, I had a little money left over that I didn’t buy books or movies with so I only had to take half out of the bank. I had that money in there already, so don’t worry about sending me any. Just, watch for it. I kept forgetting to tell you that I sent it. It was sent on November 9 and the lady said that it should get there in a month or so, so let me know if/and when it comes. I don’t know if I will be checking my email next week. Since we have our p-day on Mondays now, I probably will, so write anyway. I don’t know when I am leaving Marx [Маркс] (they never tell us anything here until the last minute) but I think that we will leave Monday afternoon. If that is the case, we will probably come to the internet in the morning so Sister Delgertsetseg can write President and since we’ll be in the internet, I will, too. So, to make a long story short, write me because most likely I will be able to check my email. If we don’t leave Monday, we will be leaving Tuesday. I have to admit that I have a lot of mixed feelings. I really don’t want to leave.
(See the picture to the left - taken in Маркс, it reads "I love Marx" in Russian). We are just getting started here in Маркс. The members are good, but not very strong yet, and I want to be around to strengthen them. But, at the same time, I am tired and worn out and I want to see everyone on Christmas. Christmas without family is not Christmas to me. So, part of me doesn’t want to leave and last week in my letter to President, I almost asked if I could stay longer. But, the other part of me wants to see everyone, and I want to be home for Christmas, so I didn’t ask. I don’t think he would have agreed anyway because they have rules now to extend your mission there has to be a special reason and you have to get permission from the area presidency. So, the likelihood of me being able to stay a little while longer is slim to none, but I didn’t ask anyway. I’m glad that grandpa is doing ok, too.By the way, I was thinking about this, how is it going to work for me to be released? Will I be able to meet with the stake president before Sunday, or will I need to wait until then? I think the sooner the better. I’m not sure exactly how it all works out, but I would like to be able to go somewhere by myself if need be.
Dad, thanks for your email. I am planning on going to the temple on Friday when I get back. It has been a long time since I’ve been there and I have probably already forgotten everything!
Heather, thanks for your email! That’s too bad that you are moving, I would have liked to be able to hang out with you a lot before I go back to school next fall. But, I understand that you gotta do what you gotta do. At least you won’t be too far away and at least we will see each other before you go! Well, if you make it to Bismarck before Christmas, I plan on going caroling on Saturday before that! Erin can come, too, if she wants, and maybe I’ll sing a little in Russian! That would be so great!
Lizzy, thanks for sharing what Sister Bundy said, I really appreciate that, though looking back on things, I don’t think I was strong at all during that time. I’m also glad that you got something that you liked from the White Elephant exchange. As for pictures, I guess you are going to have a lot to show me when I come home and I will have a lot to show everyone. It should make for an interesting first few weeks.
Sara, I think that would be a cruel trick to play because then maybe two people would want the same thing and when they find out that you didn’t get that for them, they may be disappointed! But if we never think that something is for us, then there’s no problem!
Ok, what else can I say? We had to do surgery on
my boots this week. You see, the left one was really hurting my foot, pressing on my heel. I wasn’t really sure what to do, but it got so bad that I couldn’t even walk without limping! Then I noticed a HUGE bump on my heel, it hurt really bad. So, I examined my boot and realized that the stuff under the lining that was supposed to give support, was pushing into my foot. Elder Struchkov (Стручков) told me that it was time to buy new boots and I said, no way! I only have two weeks left and I don’t wear boots at home! So, Sister Delgertsetseg (Дэлгэрцэцэг) and I went to work. We used a pair of scissors and a knife to cut away the lining and remove the “support underneath” then my companion sewed a piece of fabric from her purse into my boot (see pictures). 
It worked pretty well. Because of the lump on my foot, its still been pretty painful to walk and we haven’t done much this past week, only to and from appointments. That’s ok because we have a lot of work to get done at home before I leave so I was able to work on that without feeling guilty. I was able to make a list of everyone in the branch that I know something about and who we are not allowed to go see, and I was also able to fix up the mess that the Elders left in regards to investigators and stuff like that. I also started packing a little. I can’t pack all at one time, I don’t know why, so I just got things a little organized to make it easier for me to pack when that time comes. The only thing I have left to do is make a list of people who we are working with so it will be easier for the next sister, and then pack everything.This week, we will be having a two-day conference in Саратов (Saratov). It should be really good. On Thursday we will be taking a group picture and then playing soccer or something like that. Later in the day we will have a Christmas lunch and then we are going caroling to inactive members in Энгельс (Engels). I am really excited about that! Maybe I’ll see some people that we worked with! The next day will be conference.
What else is going on? Not really a whole lot, everyone keeps reminding me that I am leaving soon, and that makes it really hard to concentrate on the work, but I am trying really hard. I want to go out working harder than ever before. Now that I can walk without too much trouble, that should be easier and we will be able to go contacting these last few days and maybe try to meet some new people besides saying goodbye to all the members. By the way, I had to speak in church yesterday, it was crazy. They also asked me to give the lesson in Relief Society next Sunday, as a farewell address of some sorts. That is going to be really hard and I hope that I will be able to inspire the women here.
Everything is all so weird. I don’t know how I feel, I don’t know what I think, and most of all, I don’t understand what has happened to me the past year and a half. Maybe I will never understand to what extent my mission has changed me, but I do know that I am no longer the same person that I was all those months ago. I can’t even imagine what it is like to be home because home is just a dream, a far away dream that doesn’t seem possible that it is real. Then again, I’ve never been able to get myself to believe what has happened here, that I am really on a mission, really in Russia, really serving the Lord, and really speaking in Russian (how is that even possible?). It seems to me that there is nothing else besides my mission and now I am leaving, returning to a world that I haven’t seen in a long time to people I haven’t seen either. When all is said and done, there is no explanation for what has been said and done, just a faded memory, a few journal entries, and some pictures. That is what my mission will be for the rest of my life while you, home and everything there will once again become reality. That’s a sobering thought. People here don’t believe you when you say you want to come back. They think good-bye is the end and they will never see you again. No one believes me when I say I will write . . . they don’t believe because so many have gone before me who have made similar promises and then failed in those promises. I can not fail. I can not let these people down. I can not abandon my brothers and sisters here in Russia, but I’m afraid that the reality of life will be so strong that the faded memory of those once known and loved will disappear completely. Why do good things have to end? Why can’t all the people I love be in one place, easy to reach where I can see them everyday if I choose? But, I guess that is what we are working for, huh? That is our goal, to live with our families and loved ones forever. That is the ends I have been working towards. I haven’t yet seen that goal realized, but I hope and pray and have faith that it will be realized. That’s all I can really do.
Love,
Сестра Атвуд
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