Freedom for Diplomacy: New Telemarketers

I just received a phone call. It was a telemarketer. Except in this case it wasn't a person on the other end. It was a weird experience because I had no idea that they were using that kind of technology. It even responded to my answers. It was creepy. So I hung up.

Favorite Quotes

Movie quotes:
"You saved...my shoe!"
"She's my brother!"
"I was perfectly alright before I became indestructible."
"Courage, in oranges and women, is often confused with insanity."

Zyon (5 yrs old):
"I wanted you to wear that shirt. . . Then you would look like yourself!"

Heather S:
"That was the best crack I've ever done!"
"If you're so busy that you have to microwave your posters..."
"I like to wear as little as possible if I can get away with it!"

Heather S: "Is that the image you had in your stomach?"
Me: "That's the image I had in my mouth!"

Me:
In text message: "If you don't mind shaking me up, that would be great!"
"At least we still get to walk down the aisle together!"

Fortune Cookie:
"Fortune said a palm can say a lot, especially when it smacks you."

Heather J:
"What's that coming out of the elephant's stomach?"

Brother Seely:
"Hide the pie!"
"It's like getting married and skipping the honeymoon!"
"I can tell that somebody fed you a bad wienie at a study session."
"They hate Americans because secretly they think we are superior. We, of course, know that we are."
"And since I don't know, I just don't know."
"This is the way to travel, you just get in the car, pay the driver to shut up and go enjoy yourselves."
"These are the great moments of life I'm sharing with you!" (While teaching the history of Greece).
"The idea here is that smarts are better than strength. Some of us still hope that's true."
"The current theory of history is to make it as obscure as possible so no one can derive any meaning from it."
"That was a great moment. It just changed my life, for a couple days."
"We think that God flushed the whole world down the toilet after the first century and didn't look at it again until 1820 - which is stupid."
"I just grabbed my burrito and booked it out of there!"
"BYU used to be a lot more interesting place. Now we just talk about football."

Brother Huntington:
"If you don't follow these instructions, you will die!"
"The bomb shelters are for use in case of a nuclear attack by Eran, the country Iran, not our Eran, though I'm sure he's wanted to. We've both contemplated it to get back at you."

Brother Draper:
"You toucha my kids, I breaka your face!"

Skyelr:
"Would you chop off your arm just because you're getting married?"

Jade: "I really want to kiss an Israeli."
Kendra: "On the lips?"
Jade: "I'm flexible."

Jade:
"I enjoy naked time."

Joel:
"I called them three times and left four messages!"

Heather A:
"But I wanna see Bush 'n Hooters!"
"And I'm just not comfortable topless!"

Professor Melby:
"Even though this is probably the worst time to be graduating in 2 or 3 decades, there's no reason to be discouraged!"

Ladies' Home Journal:
Rarely would a girl choose brains over beauty because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think.

Freedom for Diplomacy

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

New Telemarketers

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