Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear family,
This week has gone by very fast, but I feel like we have accomplished very little. I hope that isn’t true. We’ve been doing a lot of walking . . . and I mean a lot. Yesterday alone we talked nearly 4 hours worth of time (I guess that isn’t that much when I remember how much contacting I did when I first got here, sometimes we would contact for 5 to 6 hours in a day!). We weren’t planning on that because we set up an appointment, but when we got there, they weren’t. We decided to try and meet a member who lives in the same apartment building, but she also was not home. As we were leaving, we noticed that the lights for the other family were on. We decided to stop by. The mother opened the door and told us that they couldn’t and that it would be better for them to change the meeting. We agreed on Thursday, so I hope they won’t stand us up again. So, we went walking after that. We walked, and walked, and walked some more. We were trying to find one address, but it was dark, so that made it hard to find. We decided it would be better to try again when it was light so we could actually see.
It is really hard work right now, but I’m hoping that things will get better as we meet more people. Basically everyone already knows who we are, but that makes it difficult because they don’t want to talk to us on the street. I think we need to find a new way to invite people. We need to find a way to become very visible, and not just to people as we walk on the street. On Wednesday, we went to Энгельс (Engels) for Thanksgiving. The zone leaders had to go to Самара (Samara) on Thursday, so they decided to have Thanksgiving dinner with all the missionaries on Wednesday. There were a lot of missionaries, 34 all together from Валаково (Balakova), Маркс (Marx), Энгельс, and Саратов (Saratov). We began the morning with playing football in Саратов (the picture to the right is a group picture after playing football. I don't think this was even everyone). That was a little boring because most Elders are so competitive, they won’t throw a sister the ball. Then there was the whole problem with the fact that it was two-hand-touch. Every time I had the ball, I had to remind the Elders that they couldn’t touch me, it was really annoying. So, I was glad when it was over.
After that, we ate Thanksgiving dinner. We had chicken (of course) that the Elders bought at a chicken place called Кури-Грилл (Kuri-Grill). (Кури is a shortened form of the word for chicken in Russian). We also had no stuffing and cranberries (but I was ok with that because I don’t eat them anyway), but other than that, they did a pretty good job. We baked an apple pie on Tuesday, others made cheesecake, apple pie, and banana cream pie, but no pumpkin pie, too bad. We also had some salads (very Russian, one with cabbage, mayo, and crab and the other with beets, carrots, mayo, and maybe something else, I don’t remember), mashed potatoes (but no gravy), and ice cream. It was good, but it made me wish I was home for Thanksgiving. We watched The Other Side of Heaven after that. This may seem a little out of order, but I started telling about all that to mention something I noticed from The Other Side of Heaven. You see, the work went very slow when Elder Groberg first got to the island because the island was small and everyone knew who he was and were told not to talk to him. It was only after he performed a miracle (bringing that kid back for his father) that people started to listen to them. That made me think, we need something like that, something very visible that will show people who we are and what we stand for, but I’m not sure yet exactly what we need. Whatever it is, we better come up with it fast because I am running out of time.
A little side note that might be interesting to you, there is a section of our daily planner where is written “People We Will Focus On” and next to that “Goal or Action” with space underneath to write the names of people and what we want them to accomplish, or what we need to do to help them come unto Christ. For this last week, I wrote: “EVERYONE IN THE CITY” under “People We Will Focus On” and under “Goal or Action,” I wrote, “activation, strengthening, or conversion, depending on where they are right now.” Yep, that is basically the work we have, nothing concrete.
What else has happened? On Thursday, we had English Club. Very few people come to English, only 3 members usually, and since it was Thanksgiving, I decided to make root beer from the extract I got from one of the Elders when I was in Пенза (Penza). I guess one of the Elders had the same thing in mind because he called to ask us to make a salad. We made potato salad, and when we arrived, waited patiently for our surprise for the students. The Elders made a pie for Wednesday, but forgot to bring it with them to Энгельс, so they brought that, chicken, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and rolls. Add to that the potato salad and root beer we brought, and we had quite a feast. It made me feel a lot better and for that moment, I was happy that I was here on Thanksgiving. It was much better than the day before.
[Picture: Clockwise around the table, me, Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг (Delgertsetseg), Алёна (Alyona), Мария Степановна (Mariya Stepanovna), Женя (Zhenya), Лена (Lena), Виктор (Viktor), and Elder Стручков (Struchkov).]
Let’s see, we also met a lady who investigated a while ago. Her son is in the hospital, so we went to see them. She came to church on Sunday and we have an appointment with her tomorrow. We will see how things go with her. She is Armenian and poorly speaks Russian (she makes a lot of simple mistakes, like calling her son, she and things like that). She is really nice, but she wants help with paying her medical bills. She asked us to help with money, but I told her that we couldn’t (missionaries aren’t allowed to do that) but said that she could talk to the branch president. What I didn’t know is, at least here, the branch doesn’t help people who are not members. I think that is because there are so few active members and those who are active are poor and so the branch doesn’t have a lot of money. They reserve the money they get in fast offerings to help the old men and women in the branch who have poor health. That’s too bad because I really wish we could help her. But, I told her to keep praying and the Lord will help.
So, thanks to everyone who wrote this week: Mom, dad, Lizzy, grandpa. I really appreciate those who take the time to write me. Just too bad that it seems most of you have been sick. Luckily, our health is alright except for the fact that I am exhausted all the time, still. But, I’m used to it. I think I will probably sleep forever when I get home.
It's weird, I’m used to people treating me like dirt, and still I love those people. That’s what happens everyday on the street here, but still I love these people. Still, when I look at them, I see my brothers and sisters and I want to help them, and I am happy when just one person lets me. I came here to serve, but pride often gets in the way of that. I understand why prophets and apostles have warned us about pride. It is really the cause of all sin and all problems. Think about it, why does someone get offended and decide not to come to church? Because of pride. Why do people not want to change? Because of pride. People make mistakes, but refuse to repent because of pride; they don’t want to admit that they made a mistake or things like that. Pride is the root of all evil, I think, and pride is the hardest thing to overcome. Still, despite that (and Russians are VERY prideful, proud of their heritage, proud of their country, proud of their religion that they consider part of their identity even when they don’t go to church) they are great people, generous people when they know you, willing to give their very best food when they have nothing for themselves. That’s what doesn’t make sense to me, they have suffered a lot, but instead of coming to the Lord and being healed, they continue to suffer. Russians are known as people who do not smile. A lot of times people recognize me immediately as an American because of the smile I have on my face. What they don’t understand is that I smile because I am happy; I smile because I love them and have the same happiness to offer if they will just accept!
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, analyzing my time on my mission (no matter how hard I try to forget about how little time is left, people always remind me, whether missionaries or members), what I have accomplished and all that. When I look at numbers, it seems like I have done very little, but when I look at people, I can’t deny that I have done something. Not everyone has accepted my help, but many have accepted my love. I have to hope that in so doing, they have come to feel the Savior’s love just a little more in their lives. There is one lady from Энгельс that I call my stalker (lovingly of course). She always would ask when we were coming the next time and if it was a week away would say, and why so long? When she got a cell phone, she called all the time. One Sunday while we were watching general conference, she called 4 times! Then a 5th time as we were leaving. She called not too long ago while I was here in Маркс (but I couldn’t answer because we’re not allowed to receive calls from members living in other cities). She called 6 times in a row before finally giving up. She cried very hard when I left. She had just started to read the Book of Mormon again, she told us at our last meeting with her. Why did she cry? Because she knows I love her and didn’t want to lose that. We had a very direct last meeting with her where I told her that she needs to keep all the commandments, not for me, but for herself and for her daughter. The Spirit was strong, and I told her that I want her to keep the commandments not because I will get anything from it (I actually will get nothing except the joy of knowing that everything is ok with her and her daughter) but because I love them and want them to have an eternal family, and be happy. I can’t look at meetings like that and think that I haven’t accomplished much. Ok, so she still doesn’t go to church, but she started reading the Book of Mormon. There have been a lot of people like that. I have a lot of friends and people who I consider to be family, here in Russia.
While we were in Энгельс, after the activity, we were waiting for our taxi and members started to come for institute/seminary. One 15 year old girl showed up. She was so happy to see us. She has always been very active even though she is the only one in her family to come since her mother and father both died of cancer. She hugged me and told the Elders to take care of us because we are “super” (as she put it). (Picture above is her, Аня [Anya]). Then she begged the Elders to leave us in Энгельс, at least for one night. Why did she want us to stay? Why didn’t she want us to leave? Because we love her, and she knows it. I can’t look at that experience and think that I have done nothing. The hardest part of missionary work, I think, is loving the people, loving them despite their faults, despite their mistakes, and even despite their rejection. It is hard because that means you care whether they succeed or fail. It would be much easier to do missionary work without love because it wouldn’t matter to you what happened with people as long as you got your work done, but that isn’t true missionary work.
I don’t know how many people I have touched in the short time I have been here, and I don’t know how many people I have yet to touch before I come home, but I am confidant that the Lord knows I have done my best, and is pleased with that. I don’t think I’ve really learned anything profound on my mission, but what I have learned is priceless to me.
That is probably it for now. Sorry about the rambling. I’ve had a lot more time to think lately and that might be a bad thing, too many thoughts constantly run through my head. I love you all, and hope that your holiday season will go better, be healthy! Don’t get sick! Thanks for your many prayers and thoughts, and thanks to those who have shown me that they care by writing to me. Keep on the strait and narrow, it’s the only thing that will keep you happy. I’ve seen the difference the gospel makes in people’s lives!

Love,
Сестра Атвуд

I've always wanted to live in the country . . .

Dear family,
Here I am in my new city, Маркс (Marx). It is really small, especially compared to the other cities that I have served in. It is the smallest city in the mission where missionaries can serve. (Picture above is the view from our window. This is basically how Маркс looks). We are also the very first sisters in the city. That’s kind of interesting because many members don’t know how to talk with us. One lady asked, what do we call you, Elders, too? I just laughed and said no, we’re Sisters, not Elders. The branch here is very small, but they have a nice building.
We went to church yesterday and I was shocked to see so few members. I think there were only 20 people there, and that is including the missionaries (there are four of us) so you can see that it is tiny. I think there are about 100 members but only 20 come regularly. There are no investigators, no new members . . . and I’m really wondering why sisters were sent here. But despite all that, I’m going to give it all I’ve got. I think maybe we were sent here because the Elders lost the members’ trust (not the ones who are here now, but other Elders who were here) and since we are the very first sisters, there is a chance to have that without too much trouble. Except for our landlady. Every time she sees us she tells us to make sure not to break anything. Its rather annoying because I haven’t broken anything yet on my mission. The past Elders even broke the toilet. Don’t ask me how that happened.
Its so weird to have P-Day on Monday. So far I don’t really like it because that puts off our district meeting. That means that we have no work because we have no ward list . . . without a ward list, we have no way to know who to go to. Usually when you open a new city (at least for sisters it works this way) you spend a lot of time contacting (but we didn’t even have the address of the church) and a lot of time doing, what we call, walking by addresses. That means that you go and try to get to know the members. We have been counseled as missionaries to not contact for more than one hour everyday and since we can’t go see the members, we have nothing else to do. Luckily, the Elders took us with them yesterday so we weren’t completely bored, but I have no idea what is going to happen today. You see, I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. My companion basically does nothing (because she can’t speak the language and doesn’t understand what is going on) and that means that if things don’t work out, it will be all my fault. Its kind of annoying and overwhelming all at the same time.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

[The above film is of the first snow that I saw my second winter in Russia. It didn't last very long, but I was still excited to see it. Sorry, I'm speaking in Russian, but I'm not saying much more that what I wrote above.]
Not much other than our move has really happened since last Thursday. Thanks to everyone who wrote me this week, mom, dad, grandpa, Lizzy, and Sara (though that was a pitiful letter. You really don’t get it? It isn’t worth your time to get on the computer, sign in, get on the internet and sign in there only to send a single line). Anyway, I digress.
So, I have to say that I’m a little upset that Becky won’t be home for Christmas. She’s known about this for a long time, so I don’t get why she won’t be able to come. It seems to me that she either didn’t try to get the time off, or she picked going to New York now over being home for Christmas. I know she usually says that she can’t ask for that time off, but she lives in Utah and I think that her managers would understand if she mentioned that her sister was coming home from her mission. Either way, it makes me want to say that she doesn’t have to come if she doesn’t want to. We’ll see each other soon enough when I start school again next fall, especially since she hasn’t cared enough to write me at all while I’ve been here except the one time that mom made her, why should she care enough to waste time and money (even if it isn’t hers) to come all the way home? You can tell her I said that, too.
(Picture to the right - one of the streets in Маркс after the snow melted).
By the way, on a happier note, I think, I got an email from one of the sisters who was with me in the MTC that said: “Random information: I got informed today by Elder Cox that missionaries who come home from Ukraine and Russia stink really bad for about a week. I didn't really believe him but he backed his sources up and said that all the chemicals that have built up in us just make us stink really bad to Americans. So sorry in advance...I'm actually really interested to see if you'll be plugging your noses at me.” – I have to say, too, sorry if that will be the case.
I really don’t know what else to say. Oh, something interesting happened today. Some lady came knocking on our door. She was really pounding on it so I couldn’t ignore it like I wanted to (I was already told that no one should be coming to see us except the landlady who will come once a month, the lady who takes care of registration, and the Elders) so I said, who’s there? The response was, me. I said, who’s me? She said something but I couldn’t really hear so I said, what? She responded, open the door and see. I, of course, didn’t open it. I told our district leader later (he’s Russian by the way) and he said, no, never open the door. I already knew that, but it was nice to have confirmation that I made the right decision. I was also told that even if they claim to be the police, I should never open the door but should immediately call the Elders. I have a feeling that this week is going to be very interesting, or rather this month in Маркс.
Can I just say that I don’t feel like I have only a month left. How is that possible? I keep asking myself that very question. How is it possible that a year and a half has almost passed? How is it possible that I have spent that time in a foreign country among strange people who are no longer strangers? How is it possible that I walk on the street, half-way around the world, speaking a foreign language, understanding what is said to me, and feeling like a part of this strange world? How is it possible that the Lord has trusted me with the souls of His children, trusted me to teach them, serve them, and help them come closer to Him? And how it is possible that now all that is ending? It doesn’t feel real. My whole mission is one huge dream, sometimes really good, sometimes a little nightmarish, but still a dream, a dream that can’t possibly be real, can it? Is it possible that I have changed as much as I feel that I have? I really don’t know. Maybe I am the same person that I was 1 ½ years ago, but that doesn’t seem possible, but I couldn’t even describe how I’ve changed . . .
Well, I don’t know what else to talk about. We are celebrating Thanksgiving on Wednesday. We will be going to Саратов (Saratov) to spend that time with the missionaries there. That should be fun but we have to bake a pie and I have no idea how to do that. We’ll see how it works out. It will also be nice to get my stuff that was left in Самара (Samara). The Elders were supposed to bring it with them when they came to Энгельс (Engels) on Friday night, but they didn’t. The sisters brought it to Saratov, and so I will be able to pick it up.
By the way, mom, I went to Moscow only because Sister Wheeler (she’s serving in Саратов) needed to renew her Visa and she couldn’t go by herself. It sounds like that is going to cause a lot of problems, though, because the lady who does registration asked me why I got a new migration card after only three months, then she said that the lady in Саратов kind of freaked out, too. She had to go to Саратов to do my registration. We’ll see what happens. I am sure that everything will be fine.
The internet is having problems, but I don’t think there were any other questions that I need to answer. But now I have to wait to be able to get this sent off. Let’s see if I can think of anything interesting to share. Маркс is located about 20-30 minutes from Энгельс along the Волга (Volga) river. It has probably about the population of Bismarck [I found out later that it has half as many people as Bismarck], but seems much smaller. Maybe that is because there are a lot of homes with dirt roads, chickens, etc. in town. Its very dirty, filthy for that matter. (Picture to the left - Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг in the yard of a member's house in Маркс. A lot of people have cows, goats, etc.)The church building is in the middle of nowhere, it feels like a village town and seems weird to see such a beautiful and new building there. It isn’t really in the middle of no where. It is actually within the city limits, it just seems far from civilization. I still feel a little like we’ve been banished here, but there are a lot of good members (ok, what counts as a lot? 20?) basically everyone who is still coming. There is one lady who was the second person baptized in Маркс, the first was her mother. She is great and a great cook. We ate at her house yesterday, soup and pie, yum.
Our landlady is a little crazy. No, that’s not true, she really is just old. She cried today as we walked to do registration. I’m not exactly sure why. But, she’s nice enough. They just finished renovating the apartment, new wallpaper (Russians love wallpaper), and things like that. Its pretty nice but the kitchen is small and when we first came the fridge was in the hallway. I didn’t like that and neither did Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг (Delgertsetseg) so we moved it into the kitchen. It fit nicely and everything was ok, but then they told us that we couldn’t have it right by the stove because it is a gas stove, so we had to move it and now there is very little room. In fact, only one person can sit at the table at a time (see picture to the right - Дэлгэрцэцэг eating lunch at the table), but it is better than having to walk to the front door to take something out of the fridge.
So, anyway, I guess I’ll get this sent off while the internet is working.
Love,
Сестра Атвуд
P.S. Don’t worry about me, everything will be fine, the Lord is on my side.

Surprise! and then again!

Family, where can I begin? This week has been a long one, one in which a lot of surprises happened. I am now back in Саратов (Saratov), soon to go back to Энгельс (Engels), probably for a few days, but who really knows? Pretty much, no one ever knows anything in this mission. So, I’ll start at the top.
(Picture to the left is my district from Энгельс - Elders Cummings and Burnah, Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг (Delgertsetseg) and me, Elders Page and Wade).
Like you know, I am getting transferred to Маркс (Marks). They told us that we would be leaving Sunday. Then they said that Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг would be with a member in Саратов while I went to Самара (Samara) with Sister Wheeler.
(The picture on the right was taken on the train to Самара. Elder Kupfer, Elder McCleve, me, Sister Wheeler and Elder Мелничук [Melnychuk]). Then we were told that Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг and the member would be in Энгельс (this was Saturday night) and that I would have to plan their week so they would be using their time effectively. So, that was not very pleasant because I was still leaving the next day. I basically had to plan their week during church, talking to members to find out if they could come see them. That was an inves Wheeler.tigator from Ершов (Ershov) came to Саратов and wanted to see us at the train station. We had to get there a little earlier so that left no time whatsoever. (The picture to the left and below were taken on the airplane to Moscow. Left, me and Sister Right, Elder Kupfer and Elder Broscow. As a side note, Elder Kupfer came to Russia with me. He went on the trip because he lost his passport a few months after we got into Russia and had to get a new one. Elder Briscow came in the group right before me and was on the trip because his passport was stolen not too long after he arrived in Russia.) Finally, I got on the train and I thought that I would have a little time to forget about everything and just relax. I was wrong. . . Later that night I found out that our P-Day has been changed to Mondays (that means that next week everyone ot fun at all because it was in the midst of saying good-bye to everyone. Then it turned out that ourneeds to write me before then or I won’t get your emails) and so I started wondering what the sisters would do, but I made myself not think about it because there was nothing I could do to help.
When I got to Самара, I found out that I was going to go to Moscow (Москва) and then Estonia with Sister Wheeler. That was a huge surprise. It was kind of nice, though. (The picture above is on the Metro in Moscow, Elder Briscow, Sister Wheeler, and I). We went to Moscow a few hours later and everyone relied on me to get them where we were supposed to go because I was the only one who had been there before. I know how the Metro works, but that is about it, except for I knew which stops we needed and how to get to Red Square. We went to the service station to pick up our train tickets and then went to eat at TGI Friday’s. (See pictures on the right and below. On the left is Elder Briscow, me, Sister Wheeler, Elder Dieter, Elder M, and Elder Kupfer at our dinner table in TGI Friday's. The picture on the right says TGI Friday's in Russian and was on the outside of the building where we went to eat.) It was really good, but really expensive. It cost more than 500 rub. to eat some potato skins and chicken fingers, but the honey mustard dressing made it worth it. I haven’t had that in a long time. We then went to the train station where we got on a train bound for Tallin, Estonia. It was weird because we were in a different car then the Elders . . . in fact, we were in the first class car.(See picture above, Sister Wheeler and I in our first class train room. The picture on the left is the view of Tallin with Elder Briscow, me, and Elder Kupfer). That was really nice except that we were far away from the Elders. The restaurant car was in between us so we could only get to them when the restaurant was open. But, anyway, we were again woken up in the middle of the night when we got to the border. It didn’t seem so bad this time, though. I’m not exactly sure why.
(In the picture to the right you can see Elder Kupfer, who was in charge of the map while we were in Tallin, acting like a tourist. We didn't even care what we looked like and had a lot of fun.)
When we got to Tallin, everyone gave their passports up except me and we went into Old Town. We ended up eating lunch at McDonalds and then we walked around. It was really cold, so we found a market and some people bought some winter clothing. Then we went to Stockmanns where we can buy a lot of things that aren’t found in Russia, like Wheat Thins, runts, etc. and things that are hard to find like peanut butter, brown sugar, etc. (See the picture to the left - me, Elder Briscow, Elder Kupfer, and Elder Dieter) I was surprised that I got us there because I had only been there one time three months ago and I didn’t try to remember the way, thinking that I wouldn’t return, but we made it without even getting lost. After our shopping spree, we went back to Old Town to find something to do. We wanted to go into one of the churches, but the first one we tried was closed. On the way to the other, we found a museum, so we went in. That was really interesting because I’ve never heard anything about Estonian history. They’ve been conquered a lot. It was little, but not a bad museum. (See the picture above - Sister Wheeler and I are "watching" the old movies in one of the museum rooms dedicated to old films.)
We then went to St. Olaf’s church where we went last time, but for some reason they were closed, too. We went to the harbor to look out at the Baltic Sea, and then went back to the train station to get passports and wait for our train ride back to Moscow. When we got to Moscow the next morning, we went straight to Red Square. We ran into several missionaries who were meeting some missionaries that had just come from America. (Picture above is on the famous Red Square in Moscow. From left to right is Elder Briscow, me, Sister Wheeler, Elder Dieter, Elder McCleve, Elder Kupfer, and an Elder from the Moscow mission). We wanted to meet them, but it was too cold to wait and we didn’t have enough time. Instead, we went to eat in the mall nearby. It was really expensive for very little food, but still not as expensive as TGI Friday’s. It wasn’t as good as Friday’s, though. Then we headed to the airport for our flight to Самара. We ended up being early, but at least we weren’t late.
(To the right - this picture was taken in Sbarro's where we ate lunch. It has the American flag to the left and the Russian flag to the right. I had to get a picture of it).
We arrived in Самара around 6:00 and our driver stopped by his Дача (dacha) before we headed to the office. As soon as we stepped into the office, we were told that our train was leaving that night. That made Sister Wheeler upset because we had left stuff at the Sisters’ apartment. Before that minute, we had been told that we would be in Самара until Friday, but they changed the plans without letting anyone know. In fact, no one in Саратов or Энгельс knew that we were coming until we called them from the train. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get our stuff from the sisters and I’m not sure when I’m going to get it. That is bad because that is stuff that I really do need.
Anyway, we arrived safely in Саратов this morning and will be meeting the sisters in a half hour or so. Then I’m not sure what is going to happen. I don’t really want to stay in Энгельс now that I’ve already said good-bye to everyone, but I don’t think we can go to Маркс (Marx), the Elders won’t be there and then I won’t get my stuff for a couple of weeks, but who really knows what is going to happen. We’ll probably eat some lunch and then I don’t know what we’ll do before English tonight. There we will probably find out what the Elders are planning on doing with us.
Time flies, I can’t believe another week has come and gone. The two Elders who were due this cycle have gone home, their flight left four hours ago. I can’t help wondering what they are thinking and feeling because I know that my turn is next . . . I have a month left and less than a week and I don’t even know how that has happened. It can’t be possible that my mission is almost over, can it? I feel like I just started. I dreamed about this mission for so many years that I couldn’t believe when the time finally came, now it doesn’t seem possible that it has almost passed. Then I have to learn to live in the real world again. That is a scary thought.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who wrote me this week, mom, Sara, Lizzy, dad, I appreciate your emails and your support. Please don’t forget to write before Monday next week! It is really awful to come to the internet and not have any mail. All the missionaries ask how your family is doing and all you can say is, they didn’t write. I don’t like the pity that comes with that answer, so don’t forget!
Love you all, see you too soon, and I hope that everything is going well.

Love,
Сестра Атвуд

(The following film was recorded by Elder Briscow. He spoke in English, so you should be able to figure it out)

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yikes and yikes again

Well, family, this week has been a really good/tough one. Or rather, this week has been good and today has been tough. Thanks to everyone who wrote me this week, it really helped me to have such a horrible morning and come to the internet to find more letters than usual. So, I kind of want to answer your letters first, but I think that I will first explain why this week has been so good. First of all, last week we went to Ершов (Ershov), a little town about 2 ½ - 3 hours East of Энгельс (Engels) (yes, I found out where it is located). It was a lot of fun. We took the “branch taxi” (that is a member who drives a taxi) and it was pretty crazy. He is always tired so it was pretty dangerous. We had to take another member with us (female) so we wouldn’t be alone with him. (The picture above is of me and Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг with the food we made for our long trip to Ершов). It was a lot of fun, despite the fact that we almost did a 180 on the side of the road. He blamed it on the poor road conditions, but I think he just fell asleep. Don’t worry, though, we prayed before we left (and I prayed the entire way there, I might add) and we were protected. We sang and talked and laughed the entire way. (To the right you will see the sign for the city of Ершов with me and Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг when we first arrived at town) When we arrived in Ершов, we met Лена (Lena), our investigator, and she took us to her house. We met her parents and they fed us a lot. It was really good, but they wanted us to keep eating and there was no room left in my stomach. Then the grandmother showed me their icons . . . you see, Лена wants to get baptized and when she told her parents, they kind of freaked out. But, they are ok with her meeting us, but I think the grandmother wanted to show us that they are Russian Orthodox . . . it was kind of creepy. They had probably 100 or so icons on a table in a side room with a candle burning in the center. I felt like it was some kind of shrine. I felt like I had stepped into medieval times. Лена is still strong in her testimony and I am amazed everyday by it. She is truly a golden investigator and it is too bad that her parents are against her baptism. (Picture above - me, Аня (Anya, the member who went with us), Лена, and Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг) But, after much prayer and fasting, her mother is starting to be interested, too, and has promised to read the Book of Mormon. That is great news.
Friday, we had a conference with President and Sister Paul. They are from Germany, Frankfurt to be exact, and I guess President Paul served as a counselor to Elder Uchtdorf when he was stake president there. They are really funny, good, and spiritual people. I really enjoyed conference, even though I had to give a talk. That was awful because I had to give it in English. That is the first time I have given a talk in English since the MTC. I was trying really hard to not use Russian words, but it didn’t work out and I ended up calling Preach My Gospel by its Russian name. I think there was something else, too, but I don’t remember. Than, to top things off, a lady from some administration in Энгельс came to the end of our meeting. She wanted to stay and see the end, which was already time for testimonies. President Paul (see picture above: President Paul, Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг, me, and Sister Paul) asked President Давыдик (Davydik) to pick a few missionaries to share their testimonies. I didn’t think I would be picked because I had already given a talk, but I was wrong. So, I ended the conference with my testimony. This time was in Russian, so that was better. I heard one of the Elders translating into English for President and Sister Paul. That was really weird to hear myself translated into my native language . . .
Then, on Saturday and Sunday, we had district conference. That was also really good. I got to see all the members from Пенза (Penza) again. Well, not all, they didn’t all come, but I was able to see several. It was really nice to see them. Monday was good, but also a little hard. Since I had a little warning about transfers, I told one of our members that we are leaving. She started crying. It was very hard. I don’t know what will happen to her when we leave. There are so many people that we are working with who will be left without support . . . it will be very hard, if not impossible for the Elders to work with them. I guess that is what made the news I received today so hard. I am trying to accept it with grace, and accept it as the will of the Lord, but there is this nasty little thought in the back of my mind . . . that I am being punished because I didn’t agree to move to another apartment. The funny thing is, or the ironic thing is that I didn’t say no, either, just how I felt about the matter. You see, this morning I found out that not only are we leaving Энгельс on Sunday (that means we have 3 days to pack and say good-bye to everyone) but we are going to Маркс (Marks), a very little city not too far from Энгельс along the Волга (Volga) River. It is known as the city where you are sent if you mess up . . . and I’m not kidding about that. That is because there is no work. There were 4 Elders there a while back, but maybe 2 or 3 months ago, they cut down to 2 because there was not enough for the 4 of them to do. Now, we are being taken from Энгельс where we have work galore and being sent to Маркс . . . either that or someone is playing a cruel joke on me. That could be, too, who really knows. But, I feel sick to my stomach at the idea and I keep praying for confirmation that this is the will of the Lord. I know it will come, but for now, nothing.
Anyway, that will all pass, I know it, but right now I am feeling the worst of it. No, that’s not true, this morning I felt the worst of it and I already feel better now that I was able to read everyone’s emails.
Ok, now for answering everyone’s emails: First things first, my dear бывшая напарница, I have a lot of bad news. The first, you’ve already read, sisters will no longer be in Энгельс. The second, you asked how everyone is that we’ve been working with, well here goes. Лена hasn’t wanted to meet with us since you left. I sent an CMC when I found out that we are leaving on Sunday and she finally said she will find time to see us before we go. She wanted to know when we would be at the приход and I told her that I got a letter from you. She was rather bitter about it and said that you’ve forgotten her and so has Degroff, but she said she will come on Thursday to English to say good-bye. That’s the worst of the news. Ольга and Павел are doing great. It’s been really hard to meet with them since Ольга started working again, and when she found out that we are leaving, she was very upset and started telling me that it isn’t fair. She really likes my new companion, Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг. She, by the way, is great. She doesn’t speak very well yet, not even English, but that’s ok, we are still able to communicate. She is always willing to try new things and has even made several phone calls. But still, most of the work is on my shoulders. I still hate calling people, but I do it because there is no one else to do it. I even started calling some of the old contacts from our area book. By the way, don’t worry, my gmail is automatically forwarded to myldsmail address, so I will always get emails sent there. Ольга and Настя are also doing well, though it has been hard to meet with them. They don’t want us to leave, either, but have made me promise to come back and see them. Лида was in the hospital undergoing chemotherapy, but we went to visit her there. She is having a really hard time and has to go back in a month for another treatment. Who, else, oh, yeah, we’ve made some real progress with Олеся and Скоморохова Татьяна. Олеся has come to two activities, but still won’t come to church. She keeps waiting for a letter from you, too, just to let you know. I know that there are a lot of people to write, but everyone keeps asking about you. Татьяна has admitted that she believes the church is true. I think she is closer to death everyday. Right now she is really sick. She couldn’t even come to the phone yesterday, but we are going to see her tonight. She has also started reading the scriptures and has said that she wants to collect all her books from the church and put them where she can read them. There is still one Jehovah’s Witnesses’ book that she wants to read, but I keep telling her that she should just get rid of it, she admits that she won’t find truth there. Виктор is still drinking, but Валентина is working towards going to the temple. Фарафонтова Валентина won’t admit to drinking. (To the left, picture of the приход (branch building) in Энгельс) The Elders heard that she takes alcohol pills, but when we asked her about it, she denied it. I don’t know how to help her when she won’t tell us the truth. I still want to believe her, though, but I smell alcohol all the time on her. I can’t think of anyone else to mention. That’s about it for the news of Энгельс, which I soon will not be able to pass on . . .
Aunt Patti, I was really surprised to get your email! I have to admit that I was thinking about coming to visit you in Arizona sometime after I get home, but we can talk about that later. I also have to admit that even I don’t believe that I am half-way around the world, much less in Russia. I remember Dorothy. I’m amazed that you have another dog. I thought you always said that you have to keep the ratio of people to dogs the same, unless there is something else I don’t know of, the ratio of dogs has gone up! I haven’t really even thought about having my iron level checked, but everytime I’ve given blood (before my mission), they’ve checked it and there’s never been a problem. Who knows, though. I hope that you are enjoying your new callings and all, though don’t worry, I’ll never consider you to have passed into the adult stage, you’re both too young for that!
Sara, I’m glad to hear about your new calling. I hope that you are enjoying the responsibilities. How is the job hunt coming?
Dad, thanks for your email. I’m glad that there will be a lot of work for me when I get home. I haven’t been to the temple in so long that I will need to go all the time to remember what it’s like! You haven’t been to Reston in a couple of years? Wow, I had no idea. How did that happen?
Mom, thanks for your email, too. That’s too bad about Xavier. Maybe you need to consider having him stay outside. Maybe that will teach him to behave. Why did the high priests want single sisters at their meeting? That seems so weird to me.
Lizzy, I guess you have had an interesting week. Let me know if you get a job at PetSmart, that would be great for you. Your first time voting! How exciting! Though, it would be better if you remembered who you voted for at least.
Well, I’m out of time for today. I think next week’s email will be coming from Самара, but it should be on time, so I’m looking forward to hearing from you all then.

Love,
Сестра Атвуд

no news, is good news?

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
I can’t believe that another week has already come and gone. It seems so weird that I have almost been with Sister Дэлгэрцэцэг (Delgertsetseg) for a month! I must admit that time seems to be getting faster and faster as the days go on.
I’m feeling a little better this week, though my head seems to constantly hurt and I am always tired and the stress I’m feeling is worse than last week, but there is some comforting news. I don’t know if it’s really comforting, but I found out why we are moving, just not where. Basically, we were told that it is 95% positive that we are leaving Энгельс (Engels). They haven’t decided where we are going yet, but they’ve already put in our notice with the landlady and even some of the members know about it, so it seems to be official. That makes me sad because I really love Энгельс. I think Энгельс is the first city that I haven’t been ready to leave when the notice came. In fact, I kind of went into shock when I found out that we weren’t just switching apartments but also switching cities. At first I thought I felt better, but the next day I realized that it was 10 times worse than how I thought I had felt. I couldn’t even sit still during study time so I made борш (borsch) (it was really good by the way. I’ll have to make it for you when I get home) while I studied. Pretty much everyday I have that same feeling while we are in our apartment. I can’t handle being home without doing a million things to try to keep my mind off of it. I guess I feel a little better because I’ve seen a little the reason why we are leaving. We have a lot of work here and I still think that sisters are needed, but also, like I came to believe a long time ago, sometimes it is better for the relief society for sisters to leave so they start doing more. When sisters aren’t around to visit the less active sisters, the active members start to take more responsibility on themselves. Though, I haven’t noticed that kind of problem here. The other thing is that I think right now our investigators also need a change. I think they could settle for a change in sisters, but I guess the Lord has something else in mind. It will be really hard to work in a new area for a month before coming home, especially if I end up opening another city with my greenie who still doesn’t speak much Russian and now speaks less English. But, I have faith that the Lord knows what he is doing.
Well, now I’ll take a little time to respond to your emails. Thanks to everyone who wrote me this week, mom, dad, Lizzy, Sara, grandma and grandpa. I really enjoyed reading your emails this week. Thanks for the information, dad, I’ll let that Elder know. I’m sure he’ll be interested. Mom, I’m glad that you won a prize for your chili. I’m sure that was fun for the missionaries to judge the contest. Sara, you really shouldn’t waste time writing so little, but at least it was a little more interesting this time. You and Lizzy have really similar personalities, even though you may not believe it. You’ll have to show me pictures of your costume when I get home. Grandpa, it sounds like you had a very eventful birthday, and a good one at that. I love surprises and your day was full of them! I don’t know if you meant to do this, or if you even noticed, but in the subject line you wrote “weakly letter”. It wasn’t weak at all! It was very interesting, and even if you don’t get around to writing every week, at least there is a lot when you finally do write. For me, quality is more important than quantity. Lizzy, I hope you get a job. A lot of times when we have no job experience, we have to begin by settling for fast food. Just do well at whatever job you do get and things will be fine. I didn’t know that Halloweentown is out on DVD! Did you get one for me? 
Ok, now, let’s see, what else is new. Well, last Thursday I was feeling really stressed out and I told my DL how I was feeling and then I turned off my cell phone and turned the other phone way down so it wouldn’t disturb me and we went to bed early. I told the DL that he didn’t have to tell the ZL’s because there wasn’t anything that they could do to help it, but I guess he did anyway because they called me the next morning. At first, they told me that they had thought off all the missionaries in their zone, and since I was the best, they decided to have me speak at our conference with President Paul (I’m not really exactly sure what his calling is because he is taking the place of President Neuenschwander who went home because his wife has cancer). Then they started asking all these questions that gave it away that my DL had told them what I had said the night before. They started saying that if I have too much to do, they could find someone else to do it. Then they asked how I am feeling and if the fact that we are moving is making me feel stressed. When I said, a little, he asked, you don’t want to move? I said, of course not! Then he said something that at that time didn’t make sense. He said, we don’t want you to either, we said, No! We are keeping our sisters here, but President said otherwise. Well, that makes sense when you understand that you aren’t just switching apartments but actually getting transferred, but at that time I had no clue and I was a little confused. They were really trying to be understanding, but at that time I felt better when I didn’t think about everything. Since then they have been really nice and understanding and giving me compliments on the work I do and all that kind of stuff. Usually that would bug me, in fact, I think that it would have bugged me no matter what before my mission, but I guess I have changed a lot because now it doesn’t really. Maybe that is only because I trust them and I know they are doing that because they care and not to make me feel weak or something like that. They also don’t want me to get sick because of the stress and all that I have to do. Even though my companion is really willing to do things, there are still a lot of things that she just can’t do because of the language limitations. Anyway, since I found out that we are leaving, I’ve been trying to align my will with the Lord and I’ve almost gotten to the point where I want to leave. But, I’m afraid that if I do that, then it won’t happen, so I’m trying to keep a more neutral (I have no idea how to spell that word anymore!) feeling about the whole thing so that no matter what, I will be happy.
Let’s see, other than that, there is some not so good news. One of our investigators basically stopped wanting to meet with us since Silva left. She doesn’t have time, she claims, but she always found time when Silva was here. That makes me sad, but I keep inviting her to activities just in case. Other than that, one of our investigators who last week told me that she won’t come and won’t get baptized but then let us come talk to her, has also gone cold. I don’t know what happened because last week she thanked God that we come to her, but this week, it was an awful feeling I had when I talked to her on the phone. Well, its her choice, but the sad part is that I think she has a testimony (if only just a little one) and that she just doesn’t want to change. Maybe she is afraid of change, or maybe she is afraid of believing and won’t even admit it to herself, but now she has completely cut us off. I’ll try again next week and we will see what happens, but there isn’t much hope where she is concerned.
Tomorrow, we are going to a city called Ершов (Ershov). I’m not exactly sure where it is located, I just know that it is about 3 hours from here by car. We have an investigator there who is golden and wants to be baptized. Her parents don’t want her to get baptized so that is hard. It is also hard because the church is not in Ершов right now. There are no missionaries, no branch and there is one family of members but because they live so far away, they can’t come to church and are never able to meet with the missionaries. So, even if she were to get baptized, it would be very difficult for her. It will probably be the last time that we see her because of the transfer. She already knows and it will be very hard to part. I really love her and want to see her succeed and want to see her parents change their hearts. But, the good news is, at least they are ok with her meeting us and tomorrow we will be meeting her mother for the first time.
The rest of this week is going to be very eventful because we will be in Ершов all day tomorrow and then on Friday we have that conference (where I have to talk) and then on Saturday and Sunday we have district conference. I’m glad that we have so much to do because I feel better when I don’t have any time to sit and think. Then, next week we should find out for sure if we are moving and where we will be going and all that stuff. Then, the next week after that, we head out to wherever we will be going. Its going to be crazy if we really are leaving because I’ll have to pack and say good-bye to everyone and then I will really only have a month before I have to do exactly the same thing. That is enough time to get to know everyone and get comfortable in the work only to be yanked out and sent home. Yikes, it will certainly be interesting.
Well, I guess that is about all I have to say for this week. I am really glad that you are all writing me. I enjoy hearing about your days when I am so far away. The last little while I have been thinking a lot about what I did last year at this time and it is hard for me to believe that I was in Russia. How is it possible that I have already been living in a foreign country among strangers who have now become family and friends for over a year? How is it possible that so much time has passed that seemed so long when all this began. The MTC seemed like forever and then it was over, and the mission seemed like even longer and it too has almost passed. Its kind of sad and kind of exciting. I really do love this work, and if it weren’t for the hard days and the inability to see all of you, I would happily spend the rest of my days in the service of the Lord. It is truly the one time when you can forget about yourself and think only of others. I used to wonder how the sons of Mosiah could spend 14 years serving a mission and now I know. When you love a people and want to see them receive the blessings that you have received, you don’t mind the time spent serving them. I do not regret serving a mission. To many people, especially here, it is not understandable how we can sacrifice so much to serve people we don’t know and they really don’t understand how our parents were able to let us go, but I don’t think anyone involved here has regretted this for a minute. Maybe we haven’t seen each other in a long time, I have missed out on a lot of happenings at home and you haven’t seen how I’ve grown, but what is a year and a half when we have a life-time ahead of us? Many people have said, I wouldn’t have let my son or daughter go, but that is because they don’t understand the importance of this work. They don’t have a testimony that this is what the Lord wants them to do, and that is why they think they could not make a similar sacrifice.
Well, that is it for now.
Love you all,
Сестра Атвуд

P.S. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts, it means a lot to me.
(I've posted pictures randomly on here from the Halloween Party at the branch. The first picture is one of the member boys, me in my costume holding Катя (Katya) the daughter of a member we were working with, and Elder Page. Second - the branch members singing a song. Third - the member kids bobbed for apples.)