Dear family,

This last week has been a long, but good week. I don't even know where to begin. (Left - Our Zone Conference) I have so much to think about, so much that my brain hurts when I try. We watched General Conference last Sunday, then 5 days later we had Zone Conference, the next day began District Conference, followed by the next, too. Add to that the studying, reading, and talking I have been doing and I feel like I need a month to digest all the information that I have received. It is rather annoying because I also feel like there isn't much I can do about it.

I really like Пенза (Penza). In fact, I like everything but one thing . . . our district (or rather some aspects of my district). I don't know why there always has to be problems in my district. I don't know what to think. Either I am the problem, or for some reason the Lord thinks I can handle these problems. Honestly, though, I think it is not fair to the Elders that I was sent here because I feel like I have no energy to deal with these problems so I would rather just ignore them and hope they go away. That means ignoring the Elders, but that is not possible because even though the problems in Толбятти (Togliatti) were bad, surprisingly they are worse here. I didn't think that was possible. But, I think the reason why they are worse here is because our zone is our district. That means there are no other Elders to make things easier. Honestly, even though I already love the people here, and I love Пенза, I would be very happy to get a transfer the next time they come around. Maybe there is no place for me where there won't be these problems. Let me explain. I don't think I can handle a repeat where my companion cries because of the Elders, but it looks like that is where we are headed. She already cried today. I hate that because I have no idea what to do to help her. Is there something I can do to help her? I don't really know. In fact, all these problems are making me really wish that I could get put in a district, without Elders. But unfortunately, that is only a dream, a dream that is impossible to realize in this lifetime even though we could just invite Elders over on the weekends to baptize our investigators and then within a short period of time, there would be priesthood holders who could baptize, confirm, and bless/pass the sacrament. Well, it's probably not a good idea to dream too much about that. I guess I'll just have to live with the district I got.

(Right - Солнечный Приход - Solnechny Prixod - This is the church in Саратов where we held conference. It is really a beautiful building and the members are lucky to meet there) I should make one thing clear, I really do like the Elders in my district. In fact, there isn't an Elder that I have met that I didn't like. I just don't like the problems that happen with them. I can't even say that they cause the problems (though I'm sure that is certainly the case sometimes) because I know that isn't always true. Maybe the easier wish would just be that my companion didn't let things get to her.

As for calling home, 9:30 Sunday would be your time, of course. There would be no sense in me telling you my time when it isn't the same. That will be 6:30 am Monday for me. But, I've started trying to get up at 6:00, so you could probably call at 9:00 instead. Or maybe, if possible, you could call at 8:00. That way it wouldn't through off my study schedule. I am really trying to follow the schedule to a T. I remember something I was told in the MTC, the first few hours of the day determine the rest of the day, and I really want to spend that time the best that I can. So, yeah, if you can call at 8:00, please do, if not, call at 9:00 and that will be fine. I'll just make up that time somehow. I hope you remember how to call because I am going to just give you the city code and our number. City code= 8412 – our number = 64-54-06. So, yeah, don't forget to call me because this time I have no card to be able to call you from.

Let's see. What else. I guess I've been a little too negative during this email, so I'll try to explain why last week was so good. I have really been trying to figure out how I can improve. I don't feel like I have been a bad missionary, I just know that there is always something that can be better. I have read a lot of instances where missionaries were able to work miracles, and I want to be the kind of missionary that believes those kinds of miracles can happen with me, too, or rather through me. (Left - we stayed with the sisters while in Саратов. Here we are eating борш (Borsh). Sisters Гугельская (Gugelskaya), Wheeler, me, and Блохина (Bloxina)) That is the hard thing to do because serving here isn't like serving in other parts of the world where people chase missionaries down the street in order to be able to talk to them. I wish it was, but that is not the culture of Russia. Even though I believe that someday the work will go really quickly here, I don't believe that many people will chase missionaries down the street to talk to them, because that just isn't what people do. People may begin to stop missionaries, but not chase them. But that is besides the point.

I really do love this place. I want to see the gospel grow strong roots here. There are too many good people who don't have the truth, too many people who have no hope of a better life, even in the world to come, too many people who long ago have given up searching for truth and because of that have come to the conclusion that there is no truth to find. Instead, they believe that the only thing they can do is work and live and eventually, FINALLY even, die. It is so sad for me to see that, but that is what I see. There are people who don't even want to believe that there is something after this life because that means to them that the sorrow and pain will continue, too. Of course, there are still people who are searching, who believe in God and who want something more than the empty religion offered by the churches they know, the problem is in finding them and having them recognize that we have something more to give.

I have made a list of things that I want to change in how I work. At the present time, there are only a few things that I have the power to change, but I am working on those things. I hope that by the time I get to the other things, there will be a change in my companion, or a change of my companion so that I can implement those things as well. Until then, I am content to work with the one I have because she really is great. She promised the Lord that she would serve Him on a mission even before she got baptized. I can't even imagine that! Here she is, fulfilling her promise even though at the time she made it, it seemed almost impossible that she would be able to do so since her father was against her getting baptized even. (Right - all the sisters at district conference. Back - Sisters Давыдик, Гугельская, (a member that I don't know), Silva, me, Elder Hunt, Sisters Hunt, and Wheeler. Front - Sister Degroff and Sister Блохина) She has come a long way since that day 4 or 5 years ago and it is really great working with her because she has the freedom to talk with everyone about everything. Working together, we have a lot of power to talk with people. She can talk with those who are more interested in things that are Russian and I can talk with those who love anything and everything not Russian. It makes a great combination.

We spent three days in Саратов (Saratov), a large city to the south of Пенза. That was really nice because it gave me the chance to talk with other missionaries and see how things were going there. Do you remember that Elder whose family took my stuff home from the airport? Well, for the first time since we came to Russia, I saw him. That was really great. I was also able to talk to a few Elders who have set some really high goals because they want to end their mission with a bang. Not only have they set those goals, but they have written a plan to be able to accomplish those goals. It was really interesting to spend that time in Саратов because we are not allowed to wear our name tags there and I saw several anti-Mormon signs that said, Mormons! Go Away! Or Mormons! Leave Саратов! At least things aren't like that in Пенза. For the most part, people here are very friendly and open and that makes starting things a little easier.

Well, I guess that's about it for now. I don't really know what else to say and I am running out of time. Plus, we will have this coming Sunday to talk about everything else. Maybe then I can explain a little better what is going on here. And maybe you will have ideas that will help. (Left - here I am ready to teach English. The building where we met is a traffic school, so it looks like a real classroom. The room was always too big for our class, though) Until then, I will try to keep the peace, even if that means staying as far away from the problem as I possibly can.

P.S. Thanks for the dvd, dad. You are all great. And oh, I got the taxes/insurance stuff. They didn't give them to me until we were already leaving Саратов so I wasn't able to send them back. I am going to try to get them sent off through Russian mail. I hope that will work alright and I hope you made a copy of them because I didn't.

Love,

Сестра Атвуд